Tuesday, December 26, 2006


Angelwitch's debut studio album. If Angelwitch had a fault (and that's a big "if"), it was the overproduction on this album. Maybe it's just because I heard the live album first, but the chorus harmonies always seemed too big and disco-fied on this record. Regardless, this is a legendary recording, and quite possibly the most perfect example of NWOBHM before Witchfinder General and Dickinson-era Maiden. In a perfect world, every jock asshole that claimed to be a Metallica fan in 1993 and DIDN'T own a copy of this album would've been molested extra hard by his wrestling coach as "Enter Sandman" played over the weightroom's loudspeaker.

1. Angel Witch
2. Atlantis
3. White Witch
4. Confused
5. Sorcerers
6. Gorgon
7. Sweet Danger
8. Free Man
9. Angel of Death
10. Devil's Tower

In the middle of last night she went out for her revenge:

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Tammy Sings "You Can Make It"!

In keeping with the Christmas spirit, here’s a sort-of religious album for you all in this season of giving. The Christmas connection goes a bit deeper, as well, as I obtained this album through some deft gift-stealing at my office’s Holiday White Elephant gift exchange. I had a choice of stealing either this album or a folding plastic earring rack. I made my decision, and I stand by it.

Poor Tammy Faye will always be associated with heavy eye makeup, the PTL scandal, and her roofie-slipping, (allegedly) Jessica Hahn-raping ex-husband, Jim. However, if you saw her on “The Surreal Life”, you might agree that she seems like a nice enough lady in spite of all this. We here at Clandestine wish her a speedy recovery in her current bout with cancer, and pray that she’ll make a few more records.

“What does Tammy Faye Bakker have in common with a good ski slope? Two inches of face topped by three inches of powder.” --popular Tammy Faye Bakker joke, ca. 1989

Merry Christmas, ya bastuds:

Witchfinder General- Death Penalty

Even the most casual NWOBHM collector knows that this is one of the Unholiest of the NWOBHM Grails. Back in my mid-teens, amid my piles of Diamond Head, Angelwitch, and Iron Maiden tapes, I’d heard tales of this album with its ultra-violent artwork and skullcrushing metal music. Back in those days, however, collecting records was much harder, and if you wanted the original album with artwork, you pretty much needed an extensive network of overseas connections.

However, now in the days of ebay, filesharing, and digital online storage, you can find almost anything you want, usually for free. Kids today have it so easy compared to MY generation!

I eventually ended up getting my clear-vinyl copy off ebay, and truly, the infamous cover art turned out to surpass the hype. And I’m not even talking about cover model Joanne Latham’s sweet, sweet melons (see more of them at http://www.joannekandylatham.com); rather, the band taking the trouble to dress up in 17th Century garb is a classic metal moment too ridiculous for even Spinal Tap to parody. Is that a crossbow the drummer’s holding?

All kidding aside, the music on this album is some of the best NWOBHM you’ll ever hear. Songs like “Invisible Hate” and “Death Penalty” are quite simply the heaviest examples of rock music since Black Sabbath’s “Vol. 4” album. Witchfinder General would later release their follow-up album, “Friends of Hell” (featuring equally offensive cover art), as well as the crushing “Soviet Invasion” EP. After this, they apparently fell off the face of the earth, going the way of such NWOBHM contemporaries as Cloven Hoof and Blitzkrieg.

Tie Her to The Stake:


Saturday, December 02, 2006

Life After Death- Entering Time

Every once in a while, you come across something you just can't quite figure out. Australia's Life After Death are such a phenomenon. The groovy, hard rock on the opening track, as well as the liberal use of movie/pop culture samples all indicate that these guys perhaps got a hold of some early, pre-Sexorcisto White Zombie singles and decided to take that sound to the extreme. However, you can also find some Devo, Kraftwerk, and even some new wave influence in there as well. The fact that some of the songs are built almost entirely of samples reminds me of such current laptop-based, cut-&-paste artists as Elektrotwist and Stu Walker. I wonder if they have a beat-up vinyl copy of this album somewhere in their stacks?

As a side note, I particularly enjoy the way they sampled the hook from Onyx's "Slam" in "Matthew 23:9". It's subtle touches like this that speak volumes, and propel a good album to greatness, even if only a dozen people in the entire world know about it.

I don't have a date for this album, but I'm surmising it was recorded around '95-'96? If anyone else knows anything about this band, please leave a comment.

I can find the time warp AGAIN:

Thursday, November 30, 2006


Albums by celebrities can be judged by several different criteria. On one hand, there's the "Novelty/WTF?" axis, on which either Muhammed Ali or Robert Mitchum can claim high scores. Then, of course, is the Hipster Angle, in which value depends upon the album's potential for future generations to appreciate it for entirely unintentional merits, a la Paris Hilton or Cheryl Ladd. Next is the "Celebrity Album That Manages to Surpass Its Low Expectations, and Actually Becomes a Critical Success". Milla Jovovich and Brigitte Bardot are thus far the only representatives on this axis. Finally, there is the obscurity angle...

Judged by this criterion alone, Canadian Louise Robey's album would almost certainly garner 3-4 stars. For those of you unfamiliar with her work, read on:

Most everybody who is aware of Robey remembers her from "Friday The 13th: The Series", an hour-long horror/drama TV series in much the same vein as the early Fox Network's "Werewolf". Friday the 13th featured a very clever premise involving cursed artifacts that granted the desires of their owners, but usually at the cost of someone else's blood. The show had some clever stories, as well as some memorable characters. The show's hook-savvy writers always made sure Robey wore a wet tank-top at some point in each episode, and if you're interested, she DID appear nude in a film. The name escapes me, but a quick Mr. Skin search should do the trick.

Products of Canada tend to be either mildly entertaining (a la Alex Trebek) or utterly disappointing (a la curling). The "Friday The 13th" series managed to surpass these classifications, and holds a place of honor right up there between Rush and Ed the Sock.

Can't seem to get a fix on the date of this album. The date (possibly the date of reissue?) says 1995, but judging by the photos and the synth-heavy music, I'd put this at 1989 at the latest.

Bangkok, Oriental city:

Sunday, November 26, 2006


Hey, do you like pot? Well, if you're into the shit I post on this blog, chances are you're into some kind of mind-altering substance(s), so I bet you'll LOVE this album.

Sleep fermented out of San Jose back in the early '90s, on the fringes of that petri dish known as The Pacific Northwest (or, "The Seattle Scene", for my fellow GenX-ers). This trio payed obvious respects to the church of Sabbath, as the repetitive riffs, wandering bass, and OCD drum fills are right off Sabbath's debut album, back when Sabbath were in the end-stages of metamorphosis from blues-rock band to metal visionaries. The short "Some Grass" is a fitting tribute to the ethnic/historical bits of musical tourism that Tony Iommi scattered throughout Black Sabbath's discography. However, a few other influences are evident, as well.

Most obvious is the down-tuned, resin-caked rock of Kyuss, and the subject matter influence of countless mid-70's prog-rock bands. The lyrics are quite interesting on this album, I think, as bands like this are generally the victims of adolescent, sword-&-sorcery overkill. However, Sleep's lyrics are tantalizingly minimalist, just giving you a few shouted, nearly-incoherent lines of a story and letting the guitar riffs & subsequent hard rock jams direct your chemically-enhanced imagination from there. "The Druid" in particular holds more imagery in its four lines than Judas Priest's entire discography.

Leaving behind the human race:

Monday, November 20, 2006

Timir Baran- Dance Music of India

This is one of the most unusual things I've ever heard: traditional Indian melodies & forms played by an orchestra composed of both indigenous and western instruments. This is probably more like world music than exotica, considering that one of India's foremost composers, Timir Baran, conducted the orchestra. If, like me, you're expecting some Martin Denny-style musical tourism, then you're in for a surprise with this disc. The LP didn't have a date on it, but from what I've been able to gather, it was released around the late '60s, far too late for the exotica movement, but perhaps marketed to appeal to the Ravi Shankar-obsessed stoner mystics that were flooding the counterculture right about then?


Sunday, November 19, 2006

My Personal Favorites

Yes, here's my narcissism on display, a mix of current personal favorite tunes. I had to struggle to keep it under 100MB, which forced a decision between keeping either Joe Strummer or Shakira. Laugh if you will, but I made my decision, and I stand by it. See comments for the final outcome:

Oscar Brand- Bawdy Songs & Backroom Ballads

Here's a great collection of folk songs dealing with such disparate subjects as randy young college students, spry old ladies, and curious nuns. All songs are performed on an acoustic guitar, which gives them a Restoration/Wicker Man-sort of vibe. Take a listen to this whenever you feel a need to see the FUN side of going to hell!

We go to college, to college go we:


Saturday, November 18, 2006

Request #2

Here's the re-post of Stone Fox's great debut album, plus one track from the Linda Perry-produced follow-up. See if you can tell which track suffered the scalpel of the preeminent ex-Non Blonde.

Not much more to say about this band, other than the fact that the lead singer of my old band was their tour manager for a while, and, according to him, they did a fantastic, quasi-pornographic cover of The MC5's "I Want You Right Now" for their early live shows. If anyone has audio (or, better yet, video) footage of such a performance, please contact me immediately.

I get it up, I slip it in, I turn it 'round:

Request #1

Here's The Pandoras' Rock Hard album re-posted per request. As with any album one purchases for 25 cents, I initially looked at this as a goofy, disposable piece of fluff. However, through repeated listenings, it's become one of my current favorites. Songs like "Six Times A Day" and "Run Down Love Battery" are, in my opinion, far superior to anything The Runaways ever did.

Danger: Rotating blades cut off arms and legs.


Friday, November 10, 2006


Sorry, all, but upon listening to these recordings again, I'm noticing that the some of the audio wasn't captured correctly. Specifically, the lead guitar parts are almost inaudible. This is almost certainly due to the crappy tape player I've been using for ripping I am currently trying to get my hands on a decent tape player so I can re-record this album (and others). I've decided I'll leave the link up for the time being. If you're a die-hard Angelwitch fan like me, you'll probably enjoy it even with the incomplete audio. If you're a casual NWOBHM collector on the other hand, then ignore this post until I have a new rip up. Here's my original post:

At long last, quite possibly the rarest bauble in my collection of cassettes, is The Troubador show from the reunion tour of one of the greatest NWOBHM bands, Angelwitch. According to the copyrights & the liner notes, the tour took place right around '89 or '90, about ten years after the release of their debut album. Believe it or not, they were not the headliners of the tour; rather, the headline act was the all-but-forgotten Laaz Rocket!!!

As much as I worshipped Angelwitch in my mid- to late-teens, it causes me no small grief to examine the liner notes to see just how underappreciated this band was. For example, examine the photos of the band onstage. Far from the wall-of-Marshall stacks Spinal Tap setup, it looks more like the tiny stages in the clubs of North Hollywood that currently feature such forgotten footnotes as Black Lab, Darling Violetta, and Snake River Conspiracy.

Kevin Heybourne & Co. perfected the balance of melody & brutality that would later be the signature sound of bands like Metallica & Megadeth. In fact, if you can find Metallica's great documentary, "Cliff 'em All", you can hear pre-Megadeth Dave Mustaine extolling the virtues of Angelwitch when a journalist asks the band who rank among its influences. Paradoxically, now in the age of internet, in which even the most insignificant mote of esoteria is instantly available for anyone's perusal, Angelwitch is all but forgotten. Seriously: try doing a Wikipedia search if you don't believe me.

Anyway, Angelwitch managed to put together an extremely attractive jacket for this cassette, and I'll admit that the satanic/sexual imagery was what first attracted me to this album back in my late teens. A cassette with both a naked woman AND a pentegram? Needless to say, my inner Beavis was giggling up a storm as I brought THIS tape to the cashier! "Angel of Death" is a positively crushing tune, but the moodier tracks like "Sorceress" and "White Witch" show Heybourne's significant songwriting talents. If any of you have heard Angelwitch's studio album, you'll be happy to know that the blaring, disco-fied harmonies in the choruses are absent on this album. Rather, the songs are played in a very straightforward four-piece format, which really lets the rawness of the songs shine.

One slightly interesting bit of trivia about Angelwitch: Their single "Sweet Danger" was actually the WORST performing song ever to show on the Hot 100 charts in Britain. It entered at number 100 for one week, and then dropped out the next, presumably to some awful number by Human League or Sparks.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I just wanted to take a moment to let my meager legion of readers know that I am still here post-separation. While I don't have a good, readily-available internet connection at my new place, I still may be able to post a couple of albums here & there. Hopefully, the long-touted Angelwitch: Live will be up this weekend.

Also, I want to thank the commenter on the Disturbingly Lonesome Cowboys post; as I said, such comments make my blogging worthwhile, beyond the obvious masturbatory appeal of having an audience willing to read my noodlings. Please: members of The Bloody Stools, Blitzspeer, or Samson, drop us a line!

Now, more salient to the title of my post:

I won't go so far as to discourage marriage altogether. Indeed, you may be one of the few couples that manage to succeed at a happy lifelong union. But then again, I won't discourage anyone from playing the lottery either, in spite of the astronomical odds against it being a worthwhile investment.

However, if you are one of the lucky multitudes thinking about divorce, my advice is to just go ahead & do it. If you are at the point of "discussing" going to "marriage counseling", then it's already over. Stick a fork, tell the fat lady to sing, etc. The very best you can hope for in going down such a route is a few more months of stunted, uncomfortable interactions before your ultimate divorce. The worst thing you can hope for: six months of learning how to quash your resentments until you no longer notice them, followed by fifteen years in lobotomized indifference in which you've managed to discard any notion of your individuality, and, ultimately, regaining a pathetic, misplaced iota of self-respect that results in you getting busted for attempting to pick up a thirteen-year old girl over the internet at 2AM.

Marriage: Just Don't Do It.

Friday, October 27, 2006


Here's a couple of re-posted dead links that have been requested by some readers. These may be my last posts for a while, since my move & separation are imminent. On the off chance that my new place has a decent wireless connection, I'll put some new stuff up, but if not, I'll have to sneak into the local University's library and try to upload stuff before the big scary librarians kick me out.
But anyway, as stressed out as I am right now, I can take some solace in the fact that I've at least made TWO people happy today: the guy who wants the Blitzspeer album, and the guy who wants the Functional Idiots album.
A note on the Blitzspeer album: for some reason, I never ripped the track "Truck of Love". The disc is packed away right now, so I'm not going to rip it today. However, I put a few (far superior, I think) tracks off their live follow-up album in the zip file. Hey, it's free, right? So don't complain.



Saturday, October 21, 2006

NWOBHM- '79 Revisited!!!

Here's a killer compilation of British Heavy Metal bands from 1979-1981, the dawn of the raw, post-punk scene that gave rise to such metal luminaries as Iron Maiden, Def Leppard, and Venom.

The compilation was actually put together by Lars Ulrich back in 1989, right after the mammoth "And Justice for All" album, and right before Metallica became every frat-guy's favorite band with "Enter Sandman". Lars writes extensive liner notes in this, noting how much of an influence these bands were to Metallica's early development. Indeed, some bands are exceptional, some forgettable, but they all have a great raw, innocent vibe about them that makes them hard to dismiss.

This album is a treasure-trove for musical trivialists like me (and, I suspect, like YOU, all you sickos who stay up all night downloading blog music). Here's a few things I noticed:

-"Bruce Bruce" from the Samson track is actually pre-Iron Maiden Bruce Dickinson!
-Vivian Campbell from Sweet Savage went on to play guitar in Dio, The Riverdogs, and Def Leppard. This Sweet Savage track is UNBELIEVABLE, by the way, and aside from the VEnom track, it's the best thing on this comp.
-The Tygers of Pan Tang had the privilege of giving John Sykes, one of the greatest guitarists of the '80s, his start. Although he's absent from this lineup, you may remember his work in Thin Lizzy, Whitesnake, and the almighty Blue Murder.
-Jannick Gers from White Spirit would go on to replace Dave Murray as guitarist in Iron Maiden.

That's all I was able to find, but if you notice anything else, please let me know. Also, this comp has two pre-remastered Diamond Head tracks that really show their raw side. If any of you were disappointed by the squeaky-clean "Behold the Beginning" comp they put out back in '90, you may want to check these tracks out; they're dirty, mean, and mighty unclean.

I'm no fool, so don't you treat me like one:

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Rush on Sajak

Here's an old bit of audio taken from way back when Pat Sajak had his own late-night talk show, and Rush Limbaugh was chosen to be a fill vacation guest host for a week. I know what you're thinking: "Pat Sajak talk show? Rush LImbaugh as a TV guest host?" Yes, it's all true. You might also be interested to hear that Rush had his own TV show as well back in the early '90s. It's hard to imagine, isn't it, when he's more or less marginalized himself to the same sort of kitschiness that makes movies like "The Dukes of Hazzard" shoot to #1 at the box office. Unfortunately, the sound quality is terrible (taped off radio), and the clip is incomplete. I would imagine some left-wing blog has the remainder somewhere, though.

Anyway, poor ol' Rushbo loses his cool when a hostile audience objects to his views on N.O.W. and abortion. Love him or hate him, it's a side of Rush you rarely get to see outside of www.callingallwingnuts.com.

"Ladies & Gentlemen, the drive-by media and the left wing conspiracy kooks etc. etc.":

The Meatmen

I know next to nothing about this band, so I'll rely on the trusty ol' wikipedia:

I owned the live "...and You Still SUCK!" album many years ago, which piqued my interest when I saw this in the used tape rack at the Portland Bull Moose Music back in 1999. Overall, I find their sense of humor not as subtle & refined as, say, SOD or Pungent Stench, but they showed some excellent potential in the hilarious shorts on this record, especially The Dildo Commercial: "...as endorsed by that good-lookin' colored fella from Miami Vice." Also, "Turbo Rock" is a mighty tune with an outstanding hook.

Be sure to check out Vesuvius brand butt-plugs, now with pumice:


The Don Ho Show!

Ah, Don Ho...what a pleasant scene he painted in his music, no? Half-naked, brown-skinned lovelies attending to the every need of their palefaced conquerors. Unfortunately, the only comparable equivalents of such Utopiae seem to reside in Tijuana, Thailand, and Amsterdam, given that Hawaii has become little more than party-central for rich kids with bloated trust funds & senses of entitlement. Mr. Ho would surely roll over in his grave.

I've got no troubles & I've got no wife:

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Black Aria

I hope to accomplish a flurry of posts this weekend, everything from 19th century Russian lieder to forgotten heavy metal comps. You see, my divorce has finally become a palpable reality with my signing of the 30-day Notice of Vacation of our apartment. In my effort to travel light (I hope to complete my move in no more than two carloads), I will be digitizing as much of my old cassette shit as possible. Since I will also be leaving my stereo, TV, DVD Player, and stainless steel cookware here with my wife, it seems that just about everyone will benefit from my soon-to-be minimalist lifestyle. My laptop, my guitars, and my radio will solely comprise my essentials from now on.

But, gentle reader, don't worry about me; you see, when it rains, it pours, and divorce isn't the only milestone I've reached lately. I've also just attained my Masters degree, and I am currently looking forward to fulfilling the statistical prediction that my standard of living will raise by ten percent within a year after divorce. I'll either room with someone for a while or get a shithole studio apartment, and focus my job search northward.

But anyway, enough of my sob story.

This is an odd footnote in the career of punk/metal icon Glenn Danzig. Somewhere in between the fantastic "Lucifuge" album from Danzig and the slightly-less fantastic "Danzig 3", Glenn decided to dust off his old Plan 9 label and release a classically-inspired album. While the album's artistic merits are negligible (more later), it precluded similar releases by such pop staples as Paul McCartney and Joe Jackson by several years.

I heard an interview with Glenn Danzig on a radio show right about when this was released, and he said something along the lines of "It's a nine-movement piece based on Milton's Paradise Lost". He went on to describe how this album actually topped the classical charts in 1992.

Rest assured, this is for Glenn Danzig completists only. Those of you familiar with such stripper-friendly Danzig anthems as "She Rides" or "Her Black Wings" will be sorely disappointed by this, I'm afraid. The music is undoubtedly influenced by such Romanticist staples as Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, and Wagner, as evidenced by its timpani-heavy bombast and overt emotional, heroic leanings. For a Baroque/Expressionist like me, all of this seems a bit over-the-top. There are some wonderful sublime moments, however, like the Purcel-inspired three note soprano riff in "Dirge of Defeat".

And my loneliness in bondage:

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Stone Fox

Stone Fox were a mostly-girl rock band from the San Francisco area back in the mid-90's. This debut album, Totally Burnt, is a great slice of raw, angry rock music. So raw, in fact, that many of the tracks were ripped directly from their demo cassette and digitized in a process that must have been cutting-edge back in '95.

Stone Fox's follow-up album was quite a departure from the rawness of Totally Burnt, and was one of the first projects of producer/songwriter/Non-Blonde/music biz overlord Linda Perry. As you might imagine, the raw, riff-based rock was minimized in favor of a more song-oriented approach. I've included one of the tracks from the sophomore release in the zip file so you can compare for yourselves.

You'll be happy to read that this album was ripped at a sweet 192kbps. Hopefully, this will start to fix my reputation of crappy, low-bitrate cassette rips...at least until I get Angelwitch- Live posted.

It makes me feel so unchaste:


Saturday, September 16, 2006

So Sorry...

Sorry that I've left this blog in an apparent state of moribund for the last couple of weeks, but I've been extraordinarily busy finishing my Masters degree requirements since August. Rest assured, I have SUCH delights to show you: A NWOBHM mix tape compiled by none other than Lars Ulrich...a tape of Angelwitch's reunion tour through SoCal in the late '80s...Some great all-girl grunge from the early '90s....

But, until then, you'll have to settle for compilation #1 of rare shit from my music collection, A-G. It's a bit schizophrenic, but you're bound to find something you enjoy in there somewhere.

Some interesting marginalia: "Fydolla Ho" was a side project of actress Shawnee Smith. You may remember Shawnee from her starring role in "Becker", and her supporting roles in such films as "Leaving Las Vegas" and "Saw". I first remember seeing Shawnee in a TV movie in the late '80s called "Easy Prey". It was a cautionary tale starring Gerald McRaney as, of all people, serial killer Chris Wilder...Simon & Simon indeed!!! Anyway, it was about as sensational and risque as was allowed in the Reagan era, and it attempted to deliver a dire warning against going off with harmless-looking strangers, all the while showing a nubile young Shawnee Smith in various states of undress.

I still find Ms. Smith exceedingly attractive. If you want to see her in her prime, rent the 1988 remake of "The Blob". Even if you're not into Shawnee Smith, it's a fantastic horror movie with special effects that continue to hold up. Remember, Smalltown, USA: you're just one meteor away from becoming the NSA's latest weapons experiment!

See comments for a track listing.

I'm livin' easy where the sun never shines,

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Pandoras- Rock Hard

The Pandoras' 1989 release. I picked this cassette up for $0.25 at the local Amvets, and though I don't know much about this band, this album has less of a classic 60's garage-rock sound than some of the other stuff I've heard. Rather, this is more like The Runaways-by-way-of-80's hair metal.
Some interesting marginalia: the album was produced by guitar-star Stevie Salas. If any of you ever subscribed to "Guitar for the Practicing Musician" magazine from '90-'91, you may remember advertisements for his album "Colorcode" sandwiched right between those controversial ads for BC Rich's ill-advised "Virgin" line of guitars-- "You haven't tried anything 'til you've plucked a VIRGIN!" The BC Rich ad was pulled after a couple of issues, apparently because non-virgins didn't like the fact that virgins were getting more promotion?


Monday, August 28, 2006

Blitzspeer- Saves

Blitzspeer's one-and-only studio album, Saves, was released in 1991, and has largely been forgotten ever since in spite of its excellence. After their demise a year later, members of the band went on to play in other footnote bands like Monster Magnet and Raging Slab throughout the '90s.

The music is dark, riff-heavy metal that's too loud to be hair metal, but too subtle & textured to be outright thrash. Songs like "Seems Like Yesterday" and "Mother Superior" (which features some chilling phone sex between Lydia Lunch & Joey Ramone) explore some very dark places that most metal at the time either didn't dare or didn't bother to visit. The mood rarely brightens on this sinister disc, except for an unexpected cover of The New York Dolls' "Bad Girl".

So why the lack of success for this band? One reason might have been the year of release: later on in 1991, Nirvana and Pearl Jam effectively killed metal for the next eight years. Or maybe the music was too light for the Morbid Angel fans, and too heavy for the Bon Jovi fans, causing it to fall through a donut-hole similar to the one that is now plagueing Medicare Part D recipients?

I've also thrown in a few live tracks off their follow up live EP, including a killer cover of "Kick Out The Jams" that makes BOC's version sound as if it were being performed by The Wiggles.

Knife in your back, fist in your eye:

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Bloody Stools- Meet The Bloody Stools

THIS is one of the crowning acheivements of my early music collecting career. These guys were a great eighties metal band with unbelievable lyrical prowess: the album takes you on a sordid journey of lesbians, bestiality, strippers, anal sex, oral rape, amputees...and rap music.

One very interesting note about this album is that John Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora contribute some guitar & backup vocals, and it was rumored that they actually wrote these songs & put together the band as a side project. Apparently, those guys aren't the pretty-boys we thought they were!

Once again, let me apologize for the sound quality...while it was ripped in a reasonable 128kbps, the cassette was 12 years old when I ripped it, and had been played, oh, probably 3 million times. The only major flaw is the beginning of the song "Limper", where one channel cuts out for a few seconds.

'cuz you can use a cow for more than makin' leather gloves:


The first post of the weekend is from Ms. Manson's original band, Angelfish. Recorded in 1993, the album has remarkably prescient, indy feel to it: the guitars are raw, the songs simple, and the production stripped down to an almost 8-track demo vibe. Perhaps this rawness of production led Nirvana producer Butch Vig to court Shirley to front his next project?

But enough speculation. This album is chock full of fantastic songwriting that ranges from Pixies-esque guitar pop ("You Can Love Her") to outright goth-tinged doom rock ("Dogs in a Cage"). As great as the subsequent work of Manson, et al. as been, this album still makes you wonder what the pop music world lost when this band broke up...

Mommy can't drive, she's been out all night:

Mix Tape: ElectroGirls

For the last year or so, I've been kicking around an idea for the next great Playboy pictorial: The Women of Electronica. Back in the late-90's through early 00's, it seemed like all you needed to get a record deal was a guitar, some software expertise, and access to a chick who could carry a tune & look good in a vinyl miniskirt.

And look good, they did. The pre-MP3 visual appeal of CD booklets made a cute girl not only a part of the band's sound, but also part of their marketing package. While these bands were often quite good, I will admit without shame that I've sat through some shows from some awful bands only because they had a cute girl in a halter top bouncing around at the microphone.

Anyway, this mix is comprised of female-fronted electronic bands from varying levels of obscurity. My definition of "electronic" is fairly wide, and the songs range from trip-hop to industrial to straight-ahead dance music. There's no cross-fading or any fancy crap like that.

The track list is in the comments.

Berlin by Night: German Cabaret Music 1930-1945

Pour some champagne, light a cigarette, and throw another bale of deutschmarks on the fire! A fantastic compilation of German Cabaret music from The Weimar Republic & that thing that happened afterward that we'd all rather not mention:

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Functional Idiots

This is an integral part of the soundtrack to many of my college blackouts. These guys were students of the SOD/Troma school of ultra-violent hilarity, and this album pretty much covers it all: prison rape, a particularly grisly form of Granny-cide, and cat-smashing.

The SOD-connection goes a bit deeper, as well. Apparently, the lead singer of The Functional Idiots, Anthony, drew the cover art for MOD’s classic “USA for MOD” album, and on the “SOD Live at Budokan” album, you can hear Billy Milano dedicating “Pi Alpha Nu” to Anthony & The Functional Idiots.

This album scores high on the funny meter without getting into Green Jelly-style silliness. Unfortunately, no cover art with this one.

Thanks to Mark for ripping this cassette.

Feed your inner date-rapist:

Monday, August 21, 2006

Full House

Here's the first track off one of her early albums, back when she was simply known by her first name and spending much of her free time sitting on Dave Coulier's face. You'll notice a marked difference in style between this and her later work: this is a total 80's dance-fest, more along the lines of Tiffany or Taylor Dayne than Bikini Kill. Not that it's a bad album; rather, it's a fascinating, oft-overlooked step in her transition from "You Can't Do That On Television" moppet to angry, damaged feminist icon. And heck, it was worth the $2.99 I paid for this tape just for the very uncharacteristic photographs in the jacket...she was kinda cute back then!

This is my first attempt with megaupload, so let me know if there are any problems with the download. Also, you should know that many of these files were ripped back when I had a very fine cassette deck, but a very slow computer, so I had to rip them at 96kbs in order to prevent dropouts. Personally, it all sounds the same to me, but I know you hardcore audiophiles are calling me every name in the book right now. Sometime soon I hope to obtain a new cassette deck and re-rip these files, assuming the cassettes aren't dry-rotten by now, but for now, this is the best I can manage.

She may not go down in history, but would she down on you in a theater?:

How to Save Reality TV

So I see that a mid-season Real World clone-- titled North Shores or Pacific Heights or Malibu Lane or whatever-- has vanished after two pitiful episodes. Was this the result of a bad timeslot, or the dreaded summertime viewer malaise? I would guess not. All reality TV these days seems well past its prime, with shows like Fear Factor and The Apprentice running on the inertia of such casting gimmicks as “The TWINS Episode” or “Streetsmarts vs. Booksmarts”.
For all of its strengths, one of the major weaknesses in most reality TV is that it ignores one of the basic rules of drama: the audience must identify with the characters, feel their pain when they lose, and struggle alongside them. Can anyone really feel any anguish when the underwear model-turned-real estate mogul fails to win the affections of The Bachelorette? Or when the exotic dancer loses her chance for $50,000 butt implants on Fear Factor? The answer: No. We, the Frito-munching, rehab-bound schlubs in the viewing audience have a pretty good idea that they’ll survive somehow. These genetically-blessed superbeings elicit all the sympathy of a modern day Beowulf: flawless, one-dimensional, and hopelessly dull.

The Jerry Springer Show, in spite of its universal condemnation among moral/intellectual elitists, taught a fascinating lesson in the world of entertainment: stars don’t have to be beautiful, talented, intelligent, or even appealing in order to be entertaining. Imagine Fear Factor being played by such sweating, asthmatic gastropods not from the shores of South Beach, but from the strip malls of Little Rock? Or a Blind Date between unemployed alcoholics with missing teeth and criminal records? Winning the prizes in any of these shows, be they cash, a job, or the affections of a young “hottie”, would be a once-in-a-lifetime achievement for such “Average Joes”. Plus, your average prime-time viewer can identify much more readily with obese, alcoholic contestants than the tanned, confident personal trainers that usually infest reality TV.

TV execs: leave the underwear models in the Sunday fliers. Give us some “real” contestants for reality TV!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

The Disturbingly Lonesome Cowboys

Now here's something for all you misanthropes. I found this cassette about 15 years ago in the great used tape rack at the Record Connection in Waterville Maine. I know next to nothing about these guys, but this is without a doubt the most hilarious album ever made. Check out "Blood on My Knife".
You'll notice that not all of the tracks are included in the zip file...for some reason, I never bothered to rip the entire album, and now that I'm without a decent cassette deck, it looks like this is about as ripped as it's gonna get. But anyway, all the best tracks are here, as well as scans of the hilarious liner notes. If anyone knows anything more about these guys, let me know.
Here's the link, you sexy convicts:

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Norman Bates & The Showerheads

It's my pleasure to open my blog with a posting of some Norman Bates & The Showerheads tracks. Released in 1990, Queens-based NB&SH produced loud, scuzzy rock & roll that precluded the grunge movement by nearly 4 years. The easiest way to describe NB&SH music: Metallica for tweakers. Take all the stoner parts out of Metallica (i.e. the mellow slow parts, the deep lyrics about the Cthulhu Mythos, etc.), speed them up, jack the volume up to 11, and you get NB&SH. They managed to swing a tour in the early 90s, and released a follow-up album in addition to this indy debut. Recently, they've gotten back together and have played a few gigs at CBGB's, and are putting together some killer new tracks. Visit them and give a big "fuck yeah!" to the one of the greatest rock & roll bands of all time: http://www.normanbatesandtheshowerheads.com/

Here's a couple of tracks, "Graveyard" and "Pseudoworld" off their classic debut album:

If you like what you hear, head on over to http://www.hauntedtownrecords.com/. The full reissue album, plus bonus tracks, will be available soon.

Lose some weight, huh?


Women: lose some weight. It sounds cold, but hear me out: as a woman, your marketability is 90% dependant upon your ability to squeeze your ass into size 2 jeans, so why not take a few extra laps in the pool? If promotions, dates, career opportunities, and friends all revolved around looking good in a tied-off tanktop, I personally would make sure to melt that gunt away faster than butter in a microwave. Fat broads: you are selfish not only for your excessive food intake, but also for squandering the precious gift of being able to manipulate the superficial male. Think about that for a while, won't you? Preferably on the stairmaster.

Anyway, there will be a bunch of cool, obscure music links coming soon. Check back.

Rock on in London, rock on Chicago. Wheaties, breakfast of Champions,