Robey

Albums by celebrities can be judged by several different criteria. On one hand, there's the "Novelty/WTF?" axis, on which either Muhammed Ali or Robert Mitchum can claim high scores. Then, of course, is the Hipster Angle, in which value depends upon the album's potential for future generations to appreciate it for entirely unintentional merits, a la Paris Hilton or Cheryl Ladd. Next is the "Celebrity Album That Manages to Surpass Its Low Expectations, and Actually Becomes a Critical Success". Milla Jovovich and Brigitte Bardot are thus far the only representatives on this axis. Finally, there is the obscurity angle...

Judged by this criterion alone, Canadian Louise Robey's album would almost certainly garner 3-4 stars. For those of you unfamiliar with her work, read on:

Most everybody who is aware of Robey remembers her from "Friday The 13th: The Series", an hour-long horror/drama TV series in much the same vein as the early Fox Network's "Werewolf". Friday the 13th featured a very clever premise involving cursed artifacts that granted the desires of their owners, but usually at the cost of someone else's blood. The show had some clever stories, as well as some memorable characters. The show's hook-savvy writers always made sure Robey wore a wet tank-top at some point in each episode, and if you're interested, she DID appear nude in a film. The name escapes me, but a quick Mr. Skin search should do the trick.

Products of Canada tend to be either mildly entertaining (a la Alex Trebek) or utterly disappointing (a la curling). The "Friday The 13th" series managed to surpass these classifications, and holds a place of honor right up there between Rush and Ed the Sock.

Can't seem to get a fix on the date of this album. The date (possibly the date of reissue?) says 1995, but judging by the photos and the synth-heavy music, I'd put this at 1989 at the latest.

Bangkok, Oriental city:
http://rapidshare.com/files/5546748/LRONIB.zip.html

Sleep

Hey, do you like pot? Well, if you're into the shit I post on this blog, chances are you're into some kind of mind-altering substance(s), so I bet you'll LOVE this album.

Sleep fermented out of San Jose back in the early '90s, on the fringes of that petri dish known as The Pacific Northwest (or, "The Seattle Scene", for my fellow GenX-ers). This trio payed obvious respects to the church of Sabbath, as the repetitive riffs, wandering bass, and OCD drum fills are right off Sabbath's debut album, back when Sabbath were in the end-stages of metamorphosis from blues-rock band to metal visionaries. The short "Some Grass" is a fitting tribute to the ethnic/historical bits of musical tourism that Tony Iommi scattered throughout Black Sabbath's discography. However, a few other influences are evident, as well.

Most obvious is the down-tuned, resin-caked rock of Kyuss, and the subject matter influence of countless mid-70's prog-rock bands. The lyrics are quite interesting on this album, I think, as bands like this are generally the victims of adolescent, sword-&-sorcery overkill. However, Sleep's lyrics are tantalizingly minimalist, just giving you a few shouted, nearly-incoherent lines of a story and letting the guitar riffs & subsequent hard rock jams direct your chemically-enhanced imagination from there. "The Druid" in particular holds more imagery in its four lines than Judas Priest's entire discography.

Leaving behind the human race:
http://rapidshare.com/files/4987695/SHM.zip.html

Timir Baran- Dance Music of India

This is one of the most unusual things I've ever heard: traditional Indian melodies & forms played by an orchestra composed of both indigenous and western instruments. This is probably more like world music than exotica, considering that one of India's foremost composers, Timir Baran, conducted the orchestra. If, like me, you're expecting some Martin Denny-style musical tourism, then you're in for a surprise with this disc. The LP didn't have a date on it, but from what I've been able to gather, it was released around the late '60s, far too late for the exotica movement, but perhaps marketed to appeal to the Ravi Shankar-obsessed stoner mystics that were flooding the counterculture right about then?

http://rapidshare.com/files/4200584/DMOI.zip.html

My Personal Favorites

Yes, here's my narcissism on display, a mix of current personal favorite tunes. I had to struggle to keep it under 100MB, which forced a decision between keeping either Joe Strummer or Shakira. Laugh if you will, but I made my decision, and I stand by it. See comments for the final outcome:
http://rapidshare.com/files/3955412/MPF.zip.html

Oscar Brand- Bawdy Songs & Backroom Ballads

Here's a great collection of folk songs dealing with such disparate subjects as randy young college students, spry old ladies, and curious nuns. All songs are performed on an acoustic guitar, which gives them a Restoration/Wicker Man-sort of vibe. Take a listen to this whenever you feel a need to see the FUN side of going to hell!

We go to college, to college go we:

http://rapidshare.com/files/4082922/OscarBrandBawdy.zip.html

Request #2

Here's the re-post of Stone Fox's great debut album, plus one track from the Linda Perry-produced follow-up. See if you can tell which track suffered the scalpel of the preeminent ex-Non Blonde.

Not much more to say about this band, other than the fact that the lead singer of my old band was their tour manager for a while, and, according to him, they did a fantastic, quasi-pornographic cover of The MC5's "I Want You Right Now" for their early live shows. If anyone has audio (or, better yet, video) footage of such a performance, please contact me immediately.

I get it up, I slip it in, I turn it 'round:
http://rapidshare.com/files/3945589/SFTB.zip.html

Request #1

Here's The Pandoras' Rock Hard album re-posted per request. As with any album one purchases for 25 cents, I initially looked at this as a goofy, disposable piece of fluff. However, through repeated listenings, it's become one of my current favorites. Songs like "Six Times A Day" and "Run Down Love Battery" are, in my opinion, far superior to anything The Runaways ever did.

Danger: Rotating blades cut off arms and legs.



http://rapidshare.com/files/3939353/PRH.zip.html

ANGELWITCH...LIVE!!!!!

Sorry, all, but upon listening to these recordings again, I'm noticing that the some of the audio wasn't captured correctly. Specifically, the lead guitar parts are almost inaudible. This is almost certainly due to the crappy tape player I've been using for ripping I am currently trying to get my hands on a decent tape player so I can re-record this album (and others). I've decided I'll leave the link up for the time being. If you're a die-hard Angelwitch fan like me, you'll probably enjoy it even with the incomplete audio. If you're a casual NWOBHM collector on the other hand, then ignore this post until I have a new rip up. Here's my original post:

At long last, quite possibly the rarest bauble in my collection of cassettes, is The Troubador show from the reunion tour of one of the greatest NWOBHM bands, Angelwitch. According to the copyrights & the liner notes, the tour took place right around '89 or '90, about ten years after the release of their debut album. Believe it or not, they were not the headliners of the tour; rather, the headline act was the all-but-forgotten Laaz Rocket!!!

As much as I worshipped Angelwitch in my mid- to late-teens, it causes me no small grief to examine the liner notes to see just how underappreciated this band was. For example, examine the photos of the band onstage. Far from the wall-of-Marshall stacks Spinal Tap setup, it looks more like the tiny stages in the clubs of North Hollywood that currently feature such forgotten footnotes as Black Lab, Darling Violetta, and Snake River Conspiracy.

Kevin Heybourne & Co. perfected the balance of melody & brutality that would later be the signature sound of bands like Metallica & Megadeth. In fact, if you can find Metallica's great documentary, "Cliff 'em All", you can hear pre-Megadeth Dave Mustaine extolling the virtues of Angelwitch when a journalist asks the band who rank among its influences. Paradoxically, now in the age of internet, in which even the most insignificant mote of esoteria is instantly available for anyone's perusal, Angelwitch is all but forgotten. Seriously: try doing a Wikipedia search if you don't believe me.

Anyway, Angelwitch managed to put together an extremely attractive jacket for this cassette, and I'll admit that the satanic/sexual imagery was what first attracted me to this album back in my late teens. A cassette with both a naked woman AND a pentegram? Needless to say, my inner Beavis was giggling up a storm as I brought THIS tape to the cashier! "Angel of Death" is a positively crushing tune, but the moodier tracks like "Sorceress" and "White Witch" show Heybourne's significant songwriting talents. If any of you have heard Angelwitch's studio album, you'll be happy to know that the blaring, disco-fied harmonies in the choruses are absent on this album. Rather, the songs are played in a very straightforward four-piece format, which really lets the rawness of the songs shine.

One slightly interesting bit of trivia about Angelwitch: Their single "Sweet Danger" was actually the WORST performing song ever to show on the Hot 100 charts in Britain. It entered at number 100 for one week, and then dropped out the next, presumably to some awful number by Human League or Sparks.

http://rapidshare.com/files/2871619/Angelwitch_Live.zip.html

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

I just wanted to take a moment to let my meager legion of readers know that I am still here post-separation. While I don't have a good, readily-available internet connection at my new place, I still may be able to post a couple of albums here & there. Hopefully, the long-touted Angelwitch: Live will be up this weekend.

Also, I want to thank the commenter on the Disturbingly Lonesome Cowboys post; as I said, such comments make my blogging worthwhile, beyond the obvious masturbatory appeal of having an audience willing to read my noodlings. Please: members of The Bloody Stools, Blitzspeer, or Samson, drop us a line!

Now, more salient to the title of my post:

I won't go so far as to discourage marriage altogether. Indeed, you may be one of the few couples that manage to succeed at a happy lifelong union. But then again, I won't discourage anyone from playing the lottery either, in spite of the astronomical odds against it being a worthwhile investment.

However, if you are one of the lucky multitudes thinking about divorce, my advice is to just go ahead & do it. If you are at the point of "discussing" going to "marriage counseling", then it's already over. Stick a fork, tell the fat lady to sing, etc. The very best you can hope for in going down such a route is a few more months of stunted, uncomfortable interactions before your ultimate divorce. The worst thing you can hope for: six months of learning how to quash your resentments until you no longer notice them, followed by fifteen years in lobotomized indifference in which you've managed to discard any notion of your individuality, and, ultimately, regaining a pathetic, misplaced iota of self-respect that results in you getting busted for attempting to pick up a thirteen-year old girl over the internet at 2AM.

Marriage: Just Don't Do It.