Psyclone Rangers- The Devil May Care

After a few out-there excursions, I'm getting back to the basics with the 1995 album by The Psyclone Rangers. Unfortunately, there's not much info available about these guys. On the one hand, they had the frenetic cerebral leanings of college music, but on the other hand, the plodding, noise-ridden track "Nazi Mother" may as well be a tribute to Soundgarden. Sorry, but I can't provide any of my usual trivia about this particular band; they, like The Almighty, Gruntruck, and The Royal Trux, seem to be a forgotten remnant of an era in which any college/alt/grunge band was virtually guaranteed a record contract.

Why The Hell Did I Die?

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7PHJKJ15

Don't Bend Over to Pick Up The Soap, Puta!!!

Too sweet. While she'll doubtlessly be in some sort of "protective custody" that will keep her from being the furburglar of some 300lb. shank-wielding dyke, I still couldn't be happier that she was unsuccesful in buying her way out of the sentence, or getting a pardon from Governor Schwarzeneggar.

But, the question: will this be turned into some Lifetime-type made-for-TV movie highlighting her "courage" and character? Or perhaps she'll finagle some manner of reality TV series out of the experience, a la "The Simple Life" (after all, how hard would it be to get Lindsay Lohan to join her behind bars for a few months...she's probably only one unpaid parking away, after all)?

Ideally, her ordeal will be turned into a hard R-rated, Jess Franco/Jack Hill-type "Women in Prison" movie, starring Paris Hilton as herself. Get that "Hostel" guy to direct, sign on Julie Strain (as The Warden), Darian Caine, and Jenny McCarthy, and we're talking boffo box-office smash!!!

Makeover

So, what do you think of the new look? Personally, I think the sickly green color brings to mind the diseased expectorate of tuberculars & lepers...perfect for my blog!

Also, please note the extended list of links on the side. While the whole point of my blog is to post crap that NOBODY is looking for (but that a few people may download & appreciate nonetheless), these blogs have served me well throughout the past year, and have opened up numerous new avenues of music appreciation. Pay them a visit!

I also just found a little store with a HUGE used tape rack (I'm talking thousands of cassettes). I'm bringing in the remainder of my old CDs in to sell for store credit next weekend, and will be taking home anywhere from 6-12 of the strangest cassettes I can find. While summer may be a time for reruns everywhere else, it's gonna be all-new episodes on clandestine666! Make sure & tune in...

Manfred Hubler & Siegfried Schwab- Sexadelic Dance Party!

Today's post is the compilation of lounge-a-delic soundtracks by classic Eurotrash composers, Hubler & Schwab. Under the name "Vampire Sound, Inc." these two krauts composed remarkably funky soundtracks for the films of horror auteur, Jess Franco.

According to the liner notes, the binding thread of this compilation is the fact that all the films featured piece-of-ass extraordinaire Soledad Miranda in starring roles. Even so, it comes off less as a tribute to Miranda than it does to the directorial antics of Franco.

Having actually seen quite a few Franco movies, I can honestly say that Vampyros Lesbos really does live up to much of the critical praise heaped upon it, although my personal favorite in his library is Female Vampire. Concurrently, Soledad Miranda was indeed a scorching piece of ass (although, again, I prefer the curvy, pert, teenaged Lina Romay of Female Vampire).

If I've piqued anyone's interest in the movies of Jess Franco, I apologize. For the most part, they are absolutely awful, but once you start watching them, you can't help but rent more of them. My love of Franco's movies is the closest I've ever come to being the victim of an abusive relationship: he constantly takes my money and leaves me battered & confused, yet I can't resist coming back for more...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=OAZ1CVUV

Carlos Di Sarli- King of The Tango

Today's post is a compilation of Tangos from one of the original masters, Carlos Di Sarli.

Di Sarli is widely recognized as an extremely accessible tango artist, presenting all of the basic elements (persistant rhythm, sensual melodies, driving beat) in short, mid-tempo compositions suitable for the beginner milonguero.

While I find most of that "Dancing with The Stars" ballroom shit to be overblown melodrama, I am ceaselessly amazed by a well-executed, classic Argentine tango...the stiff, robotic upper bodies counterplayed by the mind-blowing, interlacing acrobatics of the legs & hips. When the double-time of the milonga is introduced, it looks almost superhuman. If you want to see the Tango in all of its glory, I recommend you rent Robert Duvall's great movie, "Assassination Tango". While it suffers from Duvall's girlfriend's attempts at acting, she can indeed dance up a storm. She peppers a fairly pedestrian story with numerous spicy dance numbers, and Duvall, in an almost fatherly attempt at charity, turns in a fantastic performance as an aged assassin inadvertantly propelled into a midlife crisis.

What is this? I've danced all my life, and I've never seen anything like this...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=X1ZBVI4B

No Worries

For a while there, I was starting to wonder if I had enough crazy rare shit to keep this blog going for much longer. After taking an inventory of my iTunes library (not to mention the 20+ DVD-Rs of catalogued music lying around my apartment), I can safely say that clandestine666 will be able to continue to supply your psycho/rare/OOP/random music needs for at least six more months. Huzzah! Expect a few new posts this week.

Pungent Stench- Been Caught Buttering

Today’s post is the cassette rip of one of the greatest grindcore bands ever, Pungent Stench.

With a limited understanding of English and a sense of humor that transcends linguistic barriers, Austria’s Pungent Stench pushed the limits of the already-obscene death metal vernacular. With early song titles like “Blood, Pus, and Gastric Juices” and “For God Your Soul, For Me Your Flesh”, these guys made it apparent that they were eagerly abandoning any chance of being taken seriously as artists.

Frankly, this is a refreshing attitude that is all-too-rare in Rock & Roll; one can find a similar approach in the early work of Chuck Schuldiner and his band Death, back when they were a great post-Black Metal death metal band. However, after the “Leprosy” album, I think most death metal aficionados would agree that Death had passed their prime.

This is Pungent Stench’s second album, and arguably their best. The cover “art” is the most blasphemous, obscene, horrendous shit upon which I’ve ever had the misfortune to have laid eyes, and fits perfectly with the diseased, pus-caked music within. If you can understand the lyrics at all (and trust me, the printed lyrics on the inlay card won’t help, as they are printed in an unintelligible, Beavis-esque scrawl) you will be instantly revolted. Bottom line: you would have to be insane to want to hear this abrasive, disgusting, offensive shit.

But all that aside, Pungent Stench were furious riff-mongers, churning out dozens of fantastic Sabbath-y riffs on this album. And the songs, by grindcore standards, are stellar, often containing furious hooks that you might find yourself humming hours later. The lyrics are fucking hilarious, exploring such themes as cannibalism, S&M, mother murder, and mummification with an infectious innocence that only inexperienced ESL-speakers could unearth in the tired, overused English language.

Her asshole was a fouling pit, what a hit!:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6Z143XIW

Pinetop Perkins- Live Top

A live recording from one of the true living legends of the blues, Pinetop Perkins. This was recorded in 1994 at Bowdoin College in Maine. Pinetop, now 90-something years old, continues to tour, play concerts, and accumulate numerous DUI charges. Rumour has it that he now has to wear a global satellite tracking device on his ankle to prevent him from getting behind the wheel, and his last drunk-driving excursion ended in a collision with a train (!!!). Of course, he's likely swerving his way home as I type, bottle of Early Times in one hand, a 13-year old prostitute in the other. Hey, he wouldn't be a legend if he were repentant, would he?

As a bonus, you also get one of Maine's best blues bands backing up Perkins, The Blue Flames. If you ever find yourself in Central/Southern Maine, try to catch a show from these guys. One of the best blues bands you can find, and all real swell guys.

Another cassette rip, so the sound quality is not the greatest. However, this album is loooong out-of-print, so Perkins fans shouldn't mind a little tape-hiss.

Caledonia, what makes your big head so hard?

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=JC9AHJQT

kidneythieves- trickster

The long-lost debut album from industrial/electronica icons, the kidneythieves. I predict that post-Garbage electronica will be in great demand among the hipsters of the near future, so stock up on albums by Sneaker Pimps, Snake River Conspiracy, and Skindive, y'all. And while you're at it, buy deathgirl.com's album, ya wankers. It's available on iTunes, or from www.cdbaby.com.

The kidneythieves seemingly came out of nowhere, inciting little to no buzz with their debut, "Trickster". However, their next release, "zer0space" would make quite an impact on the industrial/goth crowd that NIN and Garbage had already primed. The vocals of Free Dominguez, confident and all-purpose, make the kidneythieves' music amazingly versatile. One could only hope that Dominguez agrees to provide the vocal tracks on the upcoming Snake Rver Conspiracy album (only, of course, if Toby Torres remains unavailable).

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EH3WCEEQ

Y Kant Tori Read

As a staunch heterosexual, "swingin' bachelor", it's especially tough to rationalize my adoration of Tori Amos. For some reason, owning an album from Tori Amos is much harder to justify to your friends than owning one from PJ Harvey or Joan Jett.

This album helps a great deal, though. Underneath all of her cryptic, feminist doublespeak, I always suspected Tori was a bit of a tart. It's not so much seeing her in all of her big-haired, boustiared-glory in the cover photo as it is hearing the cheesy 80's synth pop that points to a secret avenue of accessibility with the otherwise enigmatic Ms. Amos. Yes, if you have tattoos, long hair, and a penchant for wearing vinyl pants, you too could be just the sort of "enlightened male life-partner" that Tori (and every other subscriber of "Ms." magazine) is looking for!

Seriously, though, this album fills in an important piece of the puzzle that is Tori Amos. While many songwriters are struggling to figure out how to write a hit a song early in their careers, this album shows that Tori had an almost instinctive feel for it. As anyone who owns "Under The Pink" or "Choirgirl Hotel" knows, it wasn't long before Tori left traditional songwriting in the dust, and started writing insane pieces of pretty noise like "God" or "Raspberry Swirl".

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=KB2S316M

Arnold Schoenberg- Pierrot Lunaire

Along the lines of my Mussorgsky post a few months back, here is one of the most unsettling, frightening recordings I've ever heard: Expressionist Arnold Schoenberg's musical travelogue of the hallucinations of an insane clown!!!!

Yes, the "lyrics" (sung in "sprechstimme" style-- a half-sung, half-spoken hybrid far scarier than anything Dr. Moreau could conceive) are all about a sinister clown's journey through various nightmarescapes. I find it very Lovecraftian, and the finest example of Schoenberg's "ugly" works (while Schoenberg's post-Wagnerian period repertoire is peerless, Serialism has yet to "do it" for me).

Once you hear it, you'll recognize its influence in countless horror movie soundtracks. But, it has thankfully remained hidden from mass recognition. Even though Bjork performed the entire cycle at the 1996 Verbiere Festival (contact me with info about bootlegs, please), it still remains a paradoxical underground work, as appreciated by classically-trained, PhD. Musicologists as it is by the latest crop of web-savvy DJs.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SR39MFUO

Roky Erickson & The Aliens- The Evil One

Roky Erickson...one of rock & roll's craziest stories. He started out as the stellar lead singer of the world's first psychedelic band, The 13th Floor Elevators, emitting screams and yowls that would make both Robert Plant and Ian Gillan run and hide. After being busted for a misdemeanor drug possession, he inexplicably pleaded insanity to the charge and spent the next few years getting his brain further fried by electroshock therapy.

Ever since, he's shown varying levels of lucidity, at times keeping it together long enough for an Elevators reunion album, at other times retreating for years on end into his Texas home, playing a half-dozen stereos and TVs simultaneously in order to drown out the demon voices in his head.

"The Evil One" is Erickson at his most anxious & paranoid, with sci-fi themes spilling over into the philosophical/biblical realms ("Sputnik" and "Creature with the Atom Brain"), and plenty of Satan-praising ("The Wind and More"). What separates Erickson from such devil-worshipping dilettantes as Danzig and Black Sabbath is his hesitant, yet almost defeatist attitude toward Satan's supremacy, as if he's witnessed The Power of Evil firsthand and is coming to grips with the fact that resistance is futile.

It's times like this Lucifer, I see you're infinite:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=1IWQTFSW

The Freeze

One of the better bands from the Taang! label. As far as I know, this was their only release of any significance, but boy, what a release! The Freeze had a great sound that was halfway between Hanoi Rocks, The Ramones, and Ratt (indeed, the singer's resemblance to Stephen Pearcy's growl is uncanny). This album managed to accomplish the task that G&R's "The Spaghetti Incident?" failed so miserably: a perfect reconciliation of punk's iconoclasm with rock & roll's hegemenous cock-worship.

I caught myself in little white lies, powder, rock, and pills:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=QF7YXT0K

The Golden Palominos- Visions of Excess

A recently-acquired cassette from the 80s' premier alt-rock collective. This is the GoPals 2nd album, and features some really outstanding vocal work from, of all people, Michael Stipe. Songs like "Omaha" and "Boy (Go)" almost make up for all the whining horseshit REM put out in the early 90's. There's also some excellent work from Jack Bruce and John Lydon, but the tracks from Syd Straw are really the centerpieces. "Buenos Aires" in particular showcases the driving rhythmic machine & female vocals that would define later masterpiece GoPals albums like "Pure" or "This is How it Feels".

She got a letter postmarked from Argentina:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2TWOFX3Z

Latina Ass

Second comp. Much like the previous one, except it features chicks singing in Spanish and/or Portugese. It's really a shame that singing in English is an implicit prerequisite for success in in America's music biz; really, does "Hollaback Girl" or "My Humps" make any more sense than "Ante Tus Ojos"? But I shouldn't complain, since the American music industry would undoubtedly produce just as much crap in Spanish as it currently does in English if that were the case. Such a musical version of NAFTA would just be another way to exploit Spanish-speaking cultures.

Funny thing, the words "Latina Ass" actually served as one of the nails in the coffin of my marriage. As anyone who uses Limewire knows, past searches are stored and matched with new searches typed in. Kind of a convenient "Quick Search" option. For example, if you have a history of searching for "Yul Brynner" and you type "Yu" into the search engine, "Yul Brynner" will pop up, even if you intend to search for "Yuletide Carols".

Well, suffice it to say, I WASN'T spending hours on the computer searching for Yul Brynner or Yuletide Carols. One night my wife figured out how to work Limewire, and decided to search for some Liz Phair songs. As soon as she typed in the letter "L", a whole list of filth sprang up, starting with "Latina Ass" and ending with "Lesbians, Strapon". She spent the rest of the evening in this manner, making a systematic, alphabetical catalogue of reasons to be disgusted by me. That was NOT a fun weekend.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZM4ILFME

Wow! Sexy French Girls!

Here's the first of a couple of comps I'm throwing out there while I try to figure out whether or not these tapes are too far gone to be worth ripping...this Hagar, Schon, Aaronson, & Schrieve Through The Fire tape sounds like it's being played through cotton candy-stuffed speakers.

But anyway, as the title implies, here's a mix of songs featuring chicks singing in French. Funny thing is, I dislike just about everything French. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those Bill O'Reilly "Freedom Fries" douchebags, but I hate French art, cuisine, wine, and movies to no end. I actually walked out on "Rules of the Game" at my local art theatre because it was so gawd-awful boring.

In spite of this, I find French to be the greatest language for singing by far, and some of the best music ever has been sung in French. The songs on this comp range from the 14th-Century (Guillaume da Machaut) up to 2006 (The Prototypes), with a concentration on the 1960's ye-ye pop movement.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=J1SD0WH1

Kurt Russell

From East Coast milquetoast to Eastwood Badass, he's played it all. Personally, I admire him for the suit he wore in "Used Cars", but if you need more evidence that he is the greatest actor of our generation, consider:
-Breakdown
-Escape from LA
-Tombstone
-Unlawful Entry
-Tequila Sunrise
-Big Trouble in Little China
-The Thing
-Escape from New York

If the game happens to be rained-out some saturday afternoon, it's likely that some Kurt Russell movie will be shown instead. That kinda makes Kurt your loser buddy that'll come over and get drunk with you when all other options have been exhausted. Even in my lowest, drunkest moments, I've always been able to count on the fact that somewhere, on some channel, "Stargate" will likely be playing.

More music coming soon...

The Flanders Diet

Weight Loss from a Biblical perspective! The Ten Commandments of Dieting! Actually, if you take all the god crap out of this, it's really not bad dieting advice: eat breakfast, drink plenty of water, get lots of fiber, etc. However, Dobson and his guests are without a doubt the most teeth-grindingly annoying, folksy crackers this side of Colorado Springs. They politely chuckle as they rib one another about whose mom made the best fried chicken, those extra five pounds they gained over Thanksgiving, etc. It's basically a microcosm of Dobson's ideal vision of a bland, Wonderbread America, where obesity is the result of eating too much apple pie, rather than the fat & cholesterol-loaded diets associated with lower-income populations.

Maybe it's just me, but hearing these people joke about eating "too many Snickers" reminds me of watching wankers like Newt Gingrich and Trent Lott on "Meet The Press" chuckle about their youthful experiments with drugs while they push for harsher sentences for narcotics users.


http://www.megaupload.com/?d=8XLF63LQ

Mussorgsky- Songs & Dances of Death

An interesting thing that I noticed about the albums I've posted is that the most-downloaded one by far has been the compilation of German Cabaret music. Needless to say, what with all the rarities and pop-culture references I've tried to incorporate into my postings, finding out that 70-year old Hun music was more in demand was a complete shock to me. Maybe it's because you kids these days have downloaded everything else, and are looking for something a little more exotic or unusual? It would certainly explain the voluminous output of: http://eldiablotuntun.blogspot.com/ .

Anyway, I'll go out on a limb and shake things up a little on Clandestine666, and post my cassette rip of Mussorgsky's Songs and Dances of Death. One of the big problems with Mussorgsky is that it's tough to tell if you're getting the authentic works of the mad, drunk Russian, or the cleaned-up versions polished over by the 19th Century's answer to Bob Rock, Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov.

These tracks sound fairly authentic, though. From the creepiness of "Song of the Flea" to the morbid beauty of "Where are you, Little Star?", it's hard to imagine Rimsky-Korsakov attaching his name to these primal tracks.

Hopefully, a few of you will enjoy this album. To get the full "Russian" effect, listen to this while trading your daughter for a case of Stoli, selling black-market copies of "Dude, Where's My Car?", and giving yourself a vodka enema.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XQIS9IXI

Not Dead Yet

So it was a pretty slow month or so on this blog since the Angelwitch posting, and as much as I'd like to say I've been too busy going to parties, boinking beautiful women, or just drinking in a gutter, the simple matter is that it's just been due to laziness on my part.
BUT, the bright side is that I've dug out a few more weird tapes from various boxes I've been unpacking. I've got enough to fill the next month or so with some wild shit, so keep checking back. The sound quality will be terrible at best, but hey, why start posting good-quality recordings now?
Speaking of terrible sound quality, here's one of the most interestingly-themed music blogs I've ever seen:
http://thirdfloormusic.blogspot.com/