Clandestine666

Carlos Montoya- Gypsy Guitar

2009-05-24T02:32:00.000-07:00

A positively mind-blowing collection of tracks from a true master of the guitar, Carlos Montoya. Picture Ennio Morriconne mixed with JS Bach, and you'll have an idea of Montoya's genius. A 20th-Century artist, he passed away in the mid-90s, and as near as I can tell, recorded these tracks in the early '80s.

I originally picked up this cassette in the "Classical" stand at that venerable Central Maine institution, Mr. Paperback. I have a hard time classifying this as "Classical", however, since the tracks have such great rhythms & melodies, and lack the emphasis on the academic counterpoint/harmony that tends to discourage the average listener.

As someone who plunks about a bit on various stringed instruments, I can tell you that listening to these tracks just makes me want to chop off all of my fingers. I will never be able to play like this, no matter how hard I practice...

http://www.zshare.net/download/6044418463948277/

Berlin by Night...AGAIN.

2009-04-11T17:01:00.000-07:00

I've found a few new neat oddities to share with you all, but that will come in good time. Until then, enjoy my ever-popular comp of Weimar Cabaret Music, as well as a few of the new features of clandestine666. Like my Playlist. Like it or lump it, bitches.

http://www.zshare.net/download/58513509dc89d3c9/

The Radiohead Effect

2008-10-18T03:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I am very sorry for the absence, all. It has been an interesting year for me, and bit by bit, all the sordid details will be revealed. I'm a bit older, not much wiser, and a little more beaten up, but I am still here, ready to fulfill the musical needs of people like me who are tired of hearing the same ol' shit by people like Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears:
http://supermasterpiece.com/music/oops/Oops%20I%20Did%20It%20Again!.mp3

But, I'll make my return in a very humble fashion, and attempt to explain the concept I've termed "the Radiohead Effect":

Some bands manage to produce a shitty debut album that manages to succeed commercially, either through the strength of a hit single or by riding the crest of a current musical trend. Nada Surf, for instance, attained their initial popularity with one of the all-time worst songs ever recorded, "Popular". Ten years later, however, they produced one of the greatest pop-rock albums ever recorded, "The Weight is a Gift", and continue to make amazing records that defy the shittiness of their debut. A more famous example is Radiohead. After they'd apparently fallen off the face of the earth once "Creep" faded off the charts, I'd written them off as the next Soul Asylum. But, ten years later, they were the most innovative, interesting musical outfit since Can.

Now, the Australian band Silverchair was the LAST band I would've expected to benefit from The Radiohead Effect. Most everyone remembers them for their (admittedly) decent single, "Tomorrow", in which the singer croons in his best Jim Morrison over Nirvana-esque soft-LOUD-soft-LOUDER-soft arrangements. (as an aside, my most vivid memory of this album was nearly blowing out my roommate's shitty Pioneer speakers with the bass-tastic intro to "Israel's Son". I would defy L'Trimm, Fannypack, or 2 Live Crew to reproduce such frequencies). I haven't been able to GIVE my copy of "Frogstomp" away for the past ten years, so I had written off Silverchair, along with The Toadies, as relics that would eventually find themselves on a "Grunge-Mania!!!" comp CD.

But, it turns out Silverchair has been making amazing pop albums for the past ten years. I have to admit, they are very good at making Matthew Sweet/Cheap Trick-style power-pop, and are virtually unrecognizable from the dull grunge of "Frogstomp".

Turns out Australia is good for something besides 'roos, Road Warrior, and Yahoo Serious:
http://www.zshare.net/download/50002593a52fb10a/

Berlin By Night Comp

2007-11-19T16:52:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay...I know I promised this two months ago. Anyway, here it is, probably the single greatest CD in my collection, a comp of German cabaret songs from the 1930s:
http://www.zshare.net/download/502557569c6d9a/

Enjoy!

The Ciccone Youth- The Whitey Album

2007-08-09T12:57:00.000-07:00

A Madonna-obsessed side project from members of Sonic Youth and Mike Watt. A lot of weird noisy tracks, but the covers are stellar.

http://www.zshare.net/download/30622587a57fee/

SNFU- Better Than A Stick In The Eye

2007-08-05T16:53:00.000-07:00

Fast, moderately-humorous punk rock. I got it for the song "Time to Buy A Futon", in honor of my six-month, post-marital stint on a futon. There's also an out-of-place cover of "Wild World".

http://www.zshare.net/download/3014808f1addf0/

Comic-Con 2007

2007-07-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

I managed to get a little vacation from Sudan for a while, and travelled over to San Diego for Comic-Con. I figured I'd treat my loyal readers to some cell-phone snapshots of my adventures!

From the top:

1. The obligatory obese "Comic Book Guy". He was indeed puffing away on a cigarette as I snapped this shot.

2. There's me and a Spartan, both showing off our ripped abs.

3. Me & the only Asian chick at Comic-Con who DIDN'T look like she was 15 years old. I was apprehensive about asking all those Sailor Moon jap chicks for a photo; the last thing clandestine666 needs is "Solicitation of a Minor with Lewd Intent" on his record!

4.This Viking broad TOTALLY wanted me.

5. Me and a cute li'l Bettie Page bikini chick. Nice girl.

6. Me and a bloodsoaked zombie chick. I got a very disturbing boner standing next to her in this shot.

Here's a little supplemental reading:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28254

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30564

The Hong Kong- Rock The Faces

2007-07-21T22:09:00.001-07:00

Damn, another band that totally should have been the next big thing, yet somehow wasn't. Picture Deborah Harry fronting The Cars, add a dash of The Sounds and The Strokes, and you get The Hong Kong. These guys had an amazing sound and unbelievable songwriting ability, yet somehow were still lost, probably due to the RIAA's self-immolating efforts to redefine itself in the wake of file-sharing and plummeting record sales.

Your dream life is such a bore:

http://www.zshare.net/download/2797424fb2172f/

Electrostatic

2007-07-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

Electrostatic...a band that, by all rights, should've been the "next big thing". Slick production, a seemingly intuitive mastery over every manner of computer-produced sound, and an amazing Japanese singer who could out-Manson Shirley Manson with both ankles tied behind her back. Although it's not the "Awake Alone" album proper, this .rar file does contain most of the tracks from said album. Every track is outstanding, so it's difficult to recommend favorites, but check out "Replica", "Eliminate Me", and "Sand".

My ties with this band go a bit deeper than mere musical appreciation. Two of the founding members were from my original hometown of Portland, ME, and moved out to L.A. to further their music careers. While Electrostatic sadly did not go anywhere, I have no doubt that those guys are making a decent living somewhere in the film industry.

If only you could see what I've seen through YOUR eyes:

http://www.zshare.net/download/2707893a47e46f/

deathgirl.com

2007-07-15T18:07:00.001-07:00

Arising from the ashes of darkwave staple Caelum Bliss, Detroit's deathgirl.com were one of the most accessible bands of the post-Garbage girl-band revolution. While essentially a four-piece rock & roll outfit, they peppered their recordings with plenty of crazy, NIN-inspired electronic noises. Songs like "Shake Me Down", "Daddy", and the amazing "Lucky Star" cover show the potential of this band-- there are more hooks on this one album than in Gwen Stephanie's entire discography! This is quite possibly the greatest album you'll ever hear. Download at your own risk.

As an aside, I encourage all women to follow the red-streaked hair example that lead singer Melissa Emily posits. Such a flamboyant, attention-seeking act sends forth the message that you are desperate for any sort of approval. And believe you me, I'll be right there to buy you a drink, baby.

Feels so real now, cut and feel now:

http://www.zshare.net/download/270755454615f7/

Re-Up: Picking Up Girls Made Easy!

2007-07-15T16:39:00.001-07:00

Here it is again on zShare for my Mac-using friends. I won't go into detail as to the irony that this humble Windows user is accommodating a Mac user. C'mon, you Mac users are all young, attractive, resourceful hipsters, right? Have the Apple commercials been lying to me? If you'll excuse me, this Windows user needs to go starch his collar and prepare the cover sheets for those TPS Reports.

http://www.zshare.net/download/270670630c5755/

The Southern Death Cult

2007-07-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

A very weird album I found from the early incarnation of Astbury/Duffy-era Cult, The Southern Death Cult. As even the liner notes declare, "Southern Death Cult disbanded before their first album...", which left this collection of demos. While it can't be rightfully classified as anything more than post-Joy Division goth-rock, it does support a fossil record of The Cult's gradual ascention from lesser Goth-Rockers to their climax as one of the greatest of all Bob Rock-produced hair metal bands (the fantastic Sonic Temple album).

One can excuse Astbury & Duffy's collaboration with former Doors' keyboardist Ray Manzarek a few years back for the ill-conceived "Doors of the 21st Century". After all, Astbury & Duffy collaborated on their first project a scant seven years after The Doors officially disbanded. In modern terms, it would be like you or I being asked by Tom Araya or Paul Bailoff to join him in his next project.

http://www.zshare.net/download/2683224e352b21/

Girlschool- Play Dirty

2007-07-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

Hola, bros! Sorry I haven't rapped at ya in a while, but C-Dog-666 has been keeping the home fires burning, so to speak. I finally moved out of my loser "room-over-the-garage" pad into a sweet, dumpy Bukowski/Lebowski one-bedroom apartment. The peace & privacy is, expectably, delectable. Whether I want to spend an evening quietly reading Dostoyevsky, or noisily banging my Filipina secretary, I can do so without fear of reprisal or annoyance. Sweet.

But, back to business. Here's a rip of the "Play Dirty" album from the band Girlschool. Girlschool were actually a fairly prominent NWOBHM band, spending their early years duking it out riff-for-riff with such testicular contemporaries as Iron Maiden and Angelwitch. Unfortunately, they were apparently unable to maintain the energy of such early tracks as "Demolition Boys", and eventually fell by the wayside with Vixen, The Runaways, and every other girl-metal group since 1980.

This album is largely forgettable, but it does have a stellar, sax-heavy cover of T. Rex's "20th Century Boy". Believe it or not, this version actually maintains the crushing sloppiness of the original. For everyone who has had wet dreams of Joan Jett covering this song, this should be a welcomed substitute:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IDSBO7JK

Hot Cartoon Characters

2007-06-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

I'm oddly attracted to Agent Erin Esurance, the animated avatar of esurance.com. I KNOW it's wrong, but, just how wrong is it? Personally, I don't know anyone who can deny jerking off over Jessica Rabbit at least once. Heck, I've had dry spells in which Jem & The Holograms started to look good. This alone might be a good reason to attend this year's ComicCon; somewhere, someone in that pack of attention-starved losers will think to dye her hair pink and squeeze into a vinyl jumpsuit. While she'll doubtlessly lack the, um, accentuated proportions of the iconic Agent Erin, she will be a welcomed respite from the bevy of chubby bachelors in full Tron-regalia.

Henri Duparc

2007-06-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

There's more great pop music on the way, but for now, I'm taking a little break and giving you, gentle reader, another offering of crazy classical music.

In this case, it is a collection of highly-accessible lieder from Henri Duparc. While Monseur Duparc suffered from a highly advanced case of Frenchiness, he had an uncanny, Schubert-esque ability to concentrate the drama that opera blokes like Mozart and Rossini purveyed down from three-hour epics into the 2-minute equivalent of a tapas bar.

Unfortunately, in spite of his genius, Duparc (in true French form) surrendered to his advancing blindness and never composed anything beyond this amazing collection of songs. Part of my dismissal of French culture is due to the fact that French contributions were virtually absent from 1450-1870, quite possibly the most fascinating stretch of years in the development of Western Music.

Granted, Frenchy was busy conquering Europe, supporting terrorist groups in The Americas, and force-feeding geese, but I think they could've taken the time to carve out a moment to promote the more sonorous qualities of their culture. Too bad, since the Germans and Italians seem to have hijacked this particular niche. It's funny how a loser like Schubert is the undisputed Master of the three-minute lieder, and guys like Duparc are relegated to websites specializing in obscure music. It's fuckin' hilarious:

http://www.zshare.net/download/24083838585b2b/

Ted Auletta- Exotica

2007-06-10T04:05:00.001-07:00

Something I've been meaning to post for a while. A decent album full of exotica covers from '50s Vegas hanger-on Ted Auletta. Personally, I think the only thing separating Auletta from the likes of Buddy "Aces" Israel and Senator Pat Geary is 4-6 decades of pop culture references. Nonetheless, this album serves as a good introduction to Exotica. Light up the tiki torches and mix up some pina coladas!

http://www.zshare.net/download/2214051ae2b292/

Syd Straw- War and Peace

2007-06-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

The second solo album from Syd Straw, who you may remember as the singer from the first two Golden Palominos albums. For my money, Straw was the best thing about the Palominos' early lineup, so I snatched this out of the used CD bin faster than you can say "Buenos Aires".

The material on this album is not far removed from the country/folk/garage rock of "Blast of Silence". Her backing band on this record, The Skeletons, are renowned for their raucous, loud performances, giving this CD a very raw feel that compliments Straw's energetic vocals.

This is one of those CDs that takes a few listens to fully absorb. Be patient with it. You'll be glad you did.

http://www.zshare.net/download/22089994387601/

Picking Up Girls Made Easy!

2007-05-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

I have to break one of my cardinal rules about blogging: never post something somebody else has. However, this album is so damn funny, it really needs to be heard. I honestly can't remember the blog I first got it from, or I'd give the link. Seems like the number of blogs has exploded lately, so I doubt I could ever find it again.

But anyway, now that I'm single again, the techniques on this album are helping me to score every night with beautiful women! Yeah right. In the real world, trying to pick up a girl at a women's clothing store would result in anything from being escorted out by security, to getting maced. Also, it's not advisable to tell a girl you just met you're into watersports. Yes, it can be taken several different ways, but you're better off leaving this word out of your first-date vocabulary. However, if, like the girl in "The Single's Bar" track, your date confesses that she "love(s) watersports...especially ones that can be played in a bubble bath", you're in for a far wilder date than you anticipated.

All the techniques on this album range from silly to downright creepy, and the whole concept was obviously put together to bilk teens & horny losers out of their money (a task handled far more efficiently these days by the penis-enlargement industry). But, it's good for a laugh nonetheless.

If you want to date a beautiful girl, and you're not lucky enough to have a six-figure income, a 14" dick, or a nice car, just tell her you'll eat her ass. Chicks can't resist getting their asses eaten.

Remember: You CAN build up a tolerance to Mace & pepper spray. It's, like, a scientific fact.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=9QN6TODS

Gruntruck- Push

2007-05-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

Gruntruck's second album. It featured much of the same metal/grunge transitionary material as the first album, but at a more extreme level...

The first track, "Tribe", has an uber-metallic, tight riff, and a chorus that could be right at home on Metallica's "Black" album. Also, "Crazy Love" and "Machine Action" have some of the most out-of-control riffs ever recorded. If only Metallica could've come up with material this brilliant, post-'91!

As far as I know, this was Gruntruck's last release. Too bad, as they apparently came up with their grunge/metal hybrid sound independant of anyone else. and have taken it to since-unexplored places. I'd like to have seen what this band was capable of in the future.

I just wanna fly my freak-flag:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=J1LLF2PC

The Royal Trux- Thank You

2007-05-17T18:57:00.000-07:00

An album by the post-experimental/grunge band, The Royal Trux. I know next to nothing about this band, so here's the Wikipedia write-up:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Trux

That should interest a few of you, anyway. Really, from what I've heard of this album, it's very good, but I ripped it at the same time as about twenty other albums, and I've just never gotten around to giving it a good listen. My loss, right?

Granny Grunt:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FV1VL645

Gruntruck- Inside Yours

2007-05-15T19:13:00.000-07:00

Remember 1991? We were all exhausted from doing the Unskinny Bop, Axl Rose was getting downright weird, and a little band called Nirvana was destroying the music scene from the top down.

Few survived this holocaust. Bands like Skid Row, Overkill, and Winger tried to assimilate, releasing albums full of grunged-up riffs and "angsty" vocals. But, it was all in vain: these gen-X kids had somehow acquired top-notch bullshit detectors, and each and every one of these bands was soon downgraded to club tours in Kansas, and arena shows opening for Hasselhoff in Brazil.

Somehow, though, a few bands survived the transition. Most famously, The Stone Temple Pilots made a pre-signing metamorphosis from cock-rock to grunge, and Gruntruck also managed to offer up a few legacy-securing albums in this period.

Gruntruck's debut album came in 1991, on the uber-metal label, RoadRacer. The metallic elements are obvious, with the extended guitar solos and tightly-controlled riffs. However, the wailing vocals and big, cruddy guitar sound put one foot firmly in the grunge camp.

While the few remaining grunge fanatics who aren't too busy monitoring their 401k's may not remember such grunge/metal bands as Gruntruck, The Almighty, or Prong, it is well worth reviewing those formative years of 1990-1993. It is only by learning our history that we may not be doomed to repeat it.

Boy, I still fucking hate hate Pearl Jam...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=S87BEI96

Re-re-post: The Pandoras- Rock Hard

2007-05-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

Wow, I had no idea when I paid a quarter for this EP at the thrift store that it would be such a (relative) hit! After more requests, here it is for a third time, The Pandoras' great Rock Hard album:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HAKP86LI

The Golden Palominos- Blast of Silence

2007-05-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

The first album from The Golden Palominos. In addition to the usual lineup of Fier/Skopelitis/Laswell, you also get Matthew Sweet, Jack Bruce, T-Bone Burnett, and my personal favorite, Syd Straw.

This album is about as far away from the apocalyptic spoken-word nightmare of the "Dead Inside" album, or even the trip-hop leanings of "Pure". Rather, this is a total country/folk/blues fest, which may be tough for the fans of the later Lori Carson or Nicole Blackman material to stomach. However, the songwriting was still outstanding back then, not to mention the musicianship. Plus, Syd Straw has numerous tracks that highlight her powerhouse vocals. Check out "Angels" and "Diamond". The latter, in particular, is Straw at her best.

Although its 192kbps, it's still a cassette rip, so a few of you uppity audiophiles out there might find the sound objectionable. In spite of this, I'd like to thank my officemate Tim for letting me borrow his classic, ca. 1988 Sony boombox to rip these cassettes. They don't make 'em like THAT any more....

A girl's best friend is a diamond, a man's best friend is a dog:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=E5X25U8S

The Cocteau Twins- The Pink Opaque

2007-05-15T17:45:00.000-07:00

What's this??? A band that more than three people have heard of, on MY blog? Yes, I'm straying a bit from my usual concentration on the esoteric to post a recently-found cassette by my favorite band, The Cocteau Twins. This is a compilation of remixes and rare tracks, and is actually somewhat rare (one collector on Amazon is selling a copy for $100). While most of the tracks can be found on the numerous other 'Twins collections, it appears that the song "Millimillenary" is ONLY available on this album! So far, it's my favorite track on the album, and it was taken from an compilation that accompanied an issue of New Music Express magazine back in the early '80s. Of course, everything else on the album is jaw-droppingly beautiful as well, mostly comprised of classic material that was halfway between their older discordant stuff and the more-produced material of later years. There are some familiar songs here, as well: "Pearly Dewdrops Drops", "Wax and Wane", "Aikea-Guinea".

One note on my rip of this cassette: the track "Lorelei" was badly damaged, and wasn't worth ripping. Instead, I added the same track from the CD "Stars and Topsoil", so you may notice some difference in sound with this track.

Again, it's a cassette rip, so please don't bitch about the sound quality. Personally, I think it sounds fine, but if you don't like it, there's a dude on Amazon who'll be happy to help you out...

"What the hell? You can't even understand anything she's singing..."

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=TNTQM2JC

Jennifer Lane/Timothy Burris- Lagrime Mie

2007-05-13T01:28:00.000-07:00

Back into my usual maelstrom of psycho music, here's a beautiful set of Italian songs from The Renaissance/early Baroque era, performed by the amazing mezzo-soprano Jennifer Lane, and theorbist Timothy Burris.

The entire album is live recordings featuring nothing more than mezzo-soprano & theorbo, giving the album a very intimate feel. For those expecting the bouncy, nasally jigs that comprise most early music, this album will be a pleasant surprise. The songs are played in a very unrestrained rhythm, with raw, uncharacteristic emotion in the vocals. Really, most of the songs on this album are a drum machine away from being the featured track on the next Buddha Bar comp!

While Burris' contributions and restrained musicianship are stellar on this album, Lane really steals the show. An accomplished mezzo-soprano who's tackled everything from Strozzi to Schoenberg, her vocal range lends the natural emotional content for this sort of material-- while a soprano would've been far too strident and austere for material of such bare, emotional drama, her voice suits it beautifully.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=VAQ2LZ5M

Psyclone Rangers- The Devil May Care

2007-05-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

After a few out-there excursions, I'm getting back to the basics with the 1995 album by The Psyclone Rangers. Unfortunately, there's not much info available about these guys. On the one hand, they had the frenetic cerebral leanings of college music, but on the other hand, the plodding, noise-ridden track "Nazi Mother" may as well be a tribute to Soundgarden. Sorry, but I can't provide any of my usual trivia about this particular band; they, like The Almighty, Gruntruck, and The Royal Trux, seem to be a forgotten remnant of an era in which any college/alt/grunge band was virtually guaranteed a record contract.

Why The Hell Did I Die?

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7PHJKJ15

Don't Bend Over to Pick Up The Soap, Puta!!!

2007-05-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

Too sweet. While she'll doubtlessly be in some sort of "protective custody" that will keep her from being the furburglar of some 300lb. shank-wielding dyke, I still couldn't be happier that she was unsuccesful in buying her way out of the sentence, or getting a pardon from Governor Schwarzeneggar.

But, the question: will this be turned into some Lifetime-type made-for-TV movie highlighting her "courage" and character? Or perhaps she'll finagle some manner of reality TV series out of the experience, a la "The Simple Life" (after all, how hard would it be to get Lindsay Lohan to join her behind bars for a few months...she's probably only one unpaid parking away, after all)?

Ideally, her ordeal will be turned into a hard R-rated, Jess Franco/Jack Hill-type "Women in Prison" movie, starring Paris Hilton as herself. Get that "Hostel" guy to direct, sign on Julie Strain (as The Warden), Darian Caine, and Jenny McCarthy, and we're talking boffo box-office smash!!!

Makeover

2007-05-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

So, what do you think of the new look? Personally, I think the sickly green color brings to mind the diseased expectorate of tuberculars & lepers...perfect for my blog!

Also, please note the extended list of links on the side. While the whole point of my blog is to post crap that NOBODY is looking for (but that a few people may download & appreciate nonetheless), these blogs have served me well throughout the past year, and have opened up numerous new avenues of music appreciation. Pay them a visit!

I also just found a little store with a HUGE used tape rack (I'm talking thousands of cassettes). I'm bringing in the remainder of my old CDs in to sell for store credit next weekend, and will be taking home anywhere from 6-12 of the strangest cassettes I can find. While summer may be a time for reruns everywhere else, it's gonna be all-new episodes on clandestine666! Make sure & tune in...

Manfred Hubler & Siegfried Schwab- Sexadelic Dance Party!

2007-05-04T19:49:00.000-07:00

Today's post is the compilation of lounge-a-delic soundtracks by classic Eurotrash composers, Hubler & Schwab. Under the name "Vampire Sound, Inc." these two krauts composed remarkably funky soundtracks for the films of horror auteur, Jess Franco.

According to the liner notes, the binding thread of this compilation is the fact that all the films featured piece-of-ass extraordinaire Soledad Miranda in starring roles. Even so, it comes off less as a tribute to Miranda than it does to the directorial antics of Franco.

Having actually seen quite a few Franco movies, I can honestly say that Vampyros Lesbos really does live up to much of the critical praise heaped upon it, although my personal favorite in his library is Female Vampire. Concurrently, Soledad Miranda was indeed a scorching piece of ass (although, again, I prefer the curvy, pert, teenaged Lina Romay of Female Vampire).

If I've piqued anyone's interest in the movies of Jess Franco, I apologize. For the most part, they are absolutely awful, but once you start watching them, you can't help but rent more of them. My love of Franco's movies is the closest I've ever come to being the victim of an abusive relationship: he constantly takes my money and leaves me battered & confused, yet I can't resist coming back for more...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=OAZ1CVUV

Carlos Di Sarli- King of The Tango

2007-04-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

Today's post is a compilation of Tangos from one of the original masters, Carlos Di Sarli.

Di Sarli is widely recognized as an extremely accessible tango artist, presenting all of the basic elements (persistant rhythm, sensual melodies, driving beat) in short, mid-tempo compositions suitable for the beginner milonguero.

While I find most of that "Dancing with The Stars" ballroom shit to be overblown melodrama, I am ceaselessly amazed by a well-executed, classic Argentine tango...the stiff, robotic upper bodies counterplayed by the mind-blowing, interlacing acrobatics of the legs & hips. When the double-time of the milonga is introduced, it looks almost superhuman. If you want to see the Tango in all of its glory, I recommend you rent Robert Duvall's great movie, "Assassination Tango". While it suffers from Duvall's girlfriend's attempts at acting, she can indeed dance up a storm. She peppers a fairly pedestrian story with numerous spicy dance numbers, and Duvall, in an almost fatherly attempt at charity, turns in a fantastic performance as an aged assassin inadvertantly propelled into a midlife crisis.

What is this? I've danced all my life, and I've never seen anything like this...

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=X1ZBVI4B

No Worries

2007-04-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

For a while there, I was starting to wonder if I had enough crazy rare shit to keep this blog going for much longer. After taking an inventory of my iTunes library (not to mention the 20+ DVD-Rs of catalogued music lying around my apartment), I can safely say that clandestine666 will be able to continue to supply your psycho/rare/OOP/random music needs for at least six more months. Huzzah! Expect a few new posts this week.

Pungent Stench- Been Caught Buttering

2007-04-22T00:46:00.000-07:00

Today’s post is the cassette rip of one of the greatest grindcore bands ever, Pungent Stench.

With a limited understanding of English and a sense of humor that transcends linguistic barriers, Austria’s Pungent Stench pushed the limits of the already-obscene death metal vernacular. With early song titles like “Blood, Pus, and Gastric Juices” and “For God Your Soul, For Me Your Flesh”, these guys made it apparent that they were eagerly abandoning any chance of being taken seriously as artists.

Frankly, this is a refreshing attitude that is all-too-rare in Rock & Roll; one can find a similar approach in the early work of Chuck Schuldiner and his band Death, back when they were a great post-Black Metal death metal band. However, after the “Leprosy” album, I think most death metal aficionados would agree that Death had passed their prime.

This is Pungent Stench’s second album, and arguably their best. The cover “art” is the most blasphemous, obscene, horrendous shit upon which I’ve ever had the misfortune to have laid eyes, and fits perfectly with the diseased, pus-caked music within. If you can understand the lyrics at all (and trust me, the printed lyrics on the inlay card won’t help, as they are printed in an unintelligible, Beavis-esque scrawl) you will be instantly revolted. Bottom line: you would have to be insane to want to hear this abrasive, disgusting, offensive shit.

But all that aside, Pungent Stench were furious riff-mongers, churning out dozens of fantastic Sabbath-y riffs on this album. And the songs, by grindcore standards, are stellar, often containing furious hooks that you might find yourself humming hours later. The lyrics are fucking hilarious, exploring such themes as cannibalism, S&M, mother murder, and mummification with an infectious innocence that only inexperienced ESL-speakers could unearth in the tired, overused English language.

Her asshole was a fouling pit, what a hit!:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6Z143XIW

Pinetop Perkins- Live Top

2007-04-08T15:42:00.000-07:00

A live recording from one of the true living legends of the blues, Pinetop Perkins. This was recorded in 1994 at Bowdoin College in Maine. Pinetop, now 90-something years old, continues to tour, play concerts, and accumulate numerous DUI charges. Rumour has it that he now has to wear a global satellite tracking device on his ankle to prevent him from getting behind the wheel, and his last drunk-driving excursion ended in a collision with a train (!!!). Of course, he's likely swerving his way home as I type, bottle of Early Times in one hand, a 13-year old prostitute in the other. Hey, he wouldn't be a legend if he were repentant, would he?

As a bonus, you also get one of Maine's best blues bands backing up Perkins, The Blue Flames. If you ever find yourself in Central/Southern Maine, try to catch a show from these guys. One of the best blues bands you can find, and all real swell guys.

Another cassette rip, so the sound quality is not the greatest. However, this album is loooong out-of-print, so Perkins fans shouldn't mind a little tape-hiss.

Caledonia, what makes your big head so hard?

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=JC9AHJQT

kidneythieves- trickster

2007-04-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

The long-lost debut album from industrial/electronica icons, the kidneythieves. I predict that post-Garbage electronica will be in great demand among the hipsters of the near future, so stock up on albums by Sneaker Pimps, Snake River Conspiracy, and Skindive, y'all. And while you're at it, buy deathgirl.com's album, ya wankers. It's available on iTunes, or from www.cdbaby.com.

The kidneythieves seemingly came out of nowhere, inciting little to no buzz with their debut, "Trickster". However, their next release, "zer0space" would make quite an impact on the industrial/goth crowd that NIN and Garbage had already primed. The vocals of Free Dominguez, confident and all-purpose, make the kidneythieves' music amazingly versatile. One could only hope that Dominguez agrees to provide the vocal tracks on the upcoming Snake Rver Conspiracy album (only, of course, if Toby Torres remains unavailable).

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=EH3WCEEQ

Y Kant Tori Read

2007-04-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

As a staunch heterosexual, "swingin' bachelor", it's especially tough to rationalize my adoration of Tori Amos. For some reason, owning an album from Tori Amos is much harder to justify to your friends than owning one from PJ Harvey or Joan Jett.

This album helps a great deal, though. Underneath all of her cryptic, feminist doublespeak, I always suspected Tori was a bit of a tart. It's not so much seeing her in all of her big-haired, boustiared-glory in the cover photo as it is hearing the cheesy 80's synth pop that points to a secret avenue of accessibility with the otherwise enigmatic Ms. Amos. Yes, if you have tattoos, long hair, and a penchant for wearing vinyl pants, you too could be just the sort of "enlightened male life-partner" that Tori (and every other subscriber of "Ms." magazine) is looking for!

Seriously, though, this album fills in an important piece of the puzzle that is Tori Amos. While many songwriters are struggling to figure out how to write a hit a song early in their careers, this album shows that Tori had an almost instinctive feel for it. As anyone who owns "Under The Pink" or "Choirgirl Hotel" knows, it wasn't long before Tori left traditional songwriting in the dust, and started writing insane pieces of pretty noise like "God" or "Raspberry Swirl".

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=KB2S316M

Arnold Schoenberg- Pierrot Lunaire

2007-03-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

Along the lines of my Mussorgsky post a few months back, here is one of the most unsettling, frightening recordings I've ever heard: Expressionist Arnold Schoenberg's musical travelogue of the hallucinations of an insane clown!!!!

Yes, the "lyrics" (sung in "sprechstimme" style-- a half-sung, half-spoken hybrid far scarier than anything Dr. Moreau could conceive) are all about a sinister clown's journey through various nightmarescapes. I find it very Lovecraftian, and the finest example of Schoenberg's "ugly" works (while Schoenberg's post-Wagnerian period repertoire is peerless, Serialism has yet to "do it" for me).

Once you hear it, you'll recognize its influence in countless horror movie soundtracks. But, it has thankfully remained hidden from mass recognition. Even though Bjork performed the entire cycle at the 1996 Verbiere Festival (contact me with info about bootlegs, please), it still remains a paradoxical underground work, as appreciated by classically-trained, PhD. Musicologists as it is by the latest crop of web-savvy DJs.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=SR39MFUO

Roky Erickson & The Aliens- The Evil One

2007-03-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

Roky Erickson...one of rock & roll's craziest stories. He started out as the stellar lead singer of the world's first psychedelic band, The 13th Floor Elevators, emitting screams and yowls that would make both Robert Plant and Ian Gillan run and hide. After being busted for a misdemeanor drug possession, he inexplicably pleaded insanity to the charge and spent the next few years getting his brain further fried by electroshock therapy.

Ever since, he's shown varying levels of lucidity, at times keeping it together long enough for an Elevators reunion album, at other times retreating for years on end into his Texas home, playing a half-dozen stereos and TVs simultaneously in order to drown out the demon voices in his head.

"The Evil One" is Erickson at his most anxious & paranoid, with sci-fi themes spilling over into the philosophical/biblical realms ("Sputnik" and "Creature with the Atom Brain"), and plenty of Satan-praising ("The Wind and More"). What separates Erickson from such devil-worshipping dilettantes as Danzig and Black Sabbath is his hesitant, yet almost defeatist attitude toward Satan's supremacy, as if he's witnessed The Power of Evil firsthand and is coming to grips with the fact that resistance is futile.

It's times like this Lucifer, I see you're infinite:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=1IWQTFSW

The Freeze

2007-03-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

One of the better bands from the Taang! label. As far as I know, this was their only release of any significance, but boy, what a release! The Freeze had a great sound that was halfway between Hanoi Rocks, The Ramones, and Ratt (indeed, the singer's resemblance to Stephen Pearcy's growl is uncanny). This album managed to accomplish the task that G&R's "The Spaghetti Incident?" failed so miserably: a perfect reconciliation of punk's iconoclasm with rock & roll's hegemenous cock-worship.

I caught myself in little white lies, powder, rock, and pills:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=QF7YXT0K

The Golden Palominos- Visions of Excess

2007-03-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

A recently-acquired cassette from the 80s' premier alt-rock collective. This is the GoPals 2nd album, and features some really outstanding vocal work from, of all people, Michael Stipe. Songs like "Omaha" and "Boy (Go)" almost make up for all the whining horseshit REM put out in the early 90's. There's also some excellent work from Jack Bruce and John Lydon, but the tracks from Syd Straw are really the centerpieces. "Buenos Aires" in particular showcases the driving rhythmic machine & female vocals that would define later masterpiece GoPals albums like "Pure" or "This is How it Feels".

She got a letter postmarked from Argentina:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2TWOFX3Z

Latina Ass

2007-02-18T16:06:00.000-08:00

Second comp. Much like the previous one, except it features chicks singing in Spanish and/or Portugese. It's really a shame that singing in English is an implicit prerequisite for success in in America's music biz; really, does "Hollaback Girl" or "My Humps" make any more sense than "Ante Tus Ojos"? But I shouldn't complain, since the American music industry would undoubtedly produce just as much crap in Spanish as it currently does in English if that were the case. Such a musical version of NAFTA would just be another way to exploit Spanish-speaking cultures.

Funny thing, the words "Latina Ass" actually served as one of the nails in the coffin of my marriage. As anyone who uses Limewire knows, past searches are stored and matched with new searches typed in. Kind of a convenient "Quick Search" option. For example, if you have a history of searching for "Yul Brynner" and you type "Yu" into the search engine, "Yul Brynner" will pop up, even if you intend to search for "Yuletide Carols".

Well, suffice it to say, I WASN'T spending hours on the computer searching for Yul Brynner or Yuletide Carols. One night my wife figured out how to work Limewire, and decided to search for some Liz Phair songs. As soon as she typed in the letter "L", a whole list of filth sprang up, starting with "Latina Ass" and ending with "Lesbians, Strapon". She spent the rest of the evening in this manner, making a systematic, alphabetical catalogue of reasons to be disgusted by me. That was NOT a fun weekend.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ZM4ILFME

Wow! Sexy French Girls!

2007-02-18T15:46:00.000-08:00

Here's the first of a couple of comps I'm throwing out there while I try to figure out whether or not these tapes are too far gone to be worth ripping...this Hagar, Schon, Aaronson, & Schrieve Through The Fire tape sounds like it's being played through cotton candy-stuffed speakers.

But anyway, as the title implies, here's a mix of songs featuring chicks singing in French. Funny thing is, I dislike just about everything French. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those Bill O'Reilly "Freedom Fries" douchebags, but I hate French art, cuisine, wine, and movies to no end. I actually walked out on "Rules of the Game" at my local art theatre because it was so gawd-awful boring.

In spite of this, I find French to be the greatest language for singing by far, and some of the best music ever has been sung in French. The songs on this comp range from the 14th-Century (Guillaume da Machaut) up to 2006 (The Prototypes), with a concentration on the 1960's ye-ye pop movement.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=J1SD0WH1

Kurt Russell

2007-02-16T21:08:00.000-08:00

From East Coast milquetoast to Eastwood Badass, he's played it all. Personally, I admire him for the suit he wore in "Used Cars", but if you need more evidence that he is the greatest actor of our generation, consider:
-Breakdown
-Escape from LA
-Tombstone
-Unlawful Entry
-Tequila Sunrise
-Big Trouble in Little China
-The Thing
-Escape from New York

If the game happens to be rained-out some saturday afternoon, it's likely that some Kurt Russell movie will be shown instead. That kinda makes Kurt your loser buddy that'll come over and get drunk with you when all other options have been exhausted. Even in my lowest, drunkest moments, I've always been able to count on the fact that somewhere, on some channel, "Stargate" will likely be playing.

More music coming soon...

The Flanders Diet

2007-02-02T06:32:00.000-08:00

Weight Loss from a Biblical perspective! The Ten Commandments of Dieting! Actually, if you take all the god crap out of this, it's really not bad dieting advice: eat breakfast, drink plenty of water, get lots of fiber, etc. However, Dobson and his guests are without a doubt the most teeth-grindingly annoying, folksy crackers this side of Colorado Springs. They politely chuckle as they rib one another about whose mom made the best fried chicken, those extra five pounds they gained over Thanksgiving, etc. It's basically a microcosm of Dobson's ideal vision of a bland, Wonderbread America, where obesity is the result of eating too much apple pie, rather than the fat & cholesterol-loaded diets associated with lower-income populations.

Maybe it's just me, but hearing these people joke about eating "too many Snickers" reminds me of watching wankers like Newt Gingrich and Trent Lott on "Meet The Press" chuckle about their youthful experiments with drugs while they push for harsher sentences for narcotics users.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=8XLF63LQ

Mussorgsky- Songs & Dances of Death

2007-02-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

An interesting thing that I noticed about the albums I've posted is that the most-downloaded one by far has been the compilation of German Cabaret music. Needless to say, what with all the rarities and pop-culture references I've tried to incorporate into my postings, finding out that 70-year old Hun music was more in demand was a complete shock to me. Maybe it's because you kids these days have downloaded everything else, and are looking for something a little more exotic or unusual? It would certainly explain the voluminous output of: http://eldiablotuntun.blogspot.com/ .

Anyway, I'll go out on a limb and shake things up a little on Clandestine666, and post my cassette rip of Mussorgsky's Songs and Dances of Death. One of the big problems with Mussorgsky is that it's tough to tell if you're getting the authentic works of the mad, drunk Russian, or the cleaned-up versions polished over by the 19th Century's answer to Bob Rock, Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov.

These tracks sound fairly authentic, though. From the creepiness of "Song of the Flea" to the morbid beauty of "Where are you, Little Star?", it's hard to imagine Rimsky-Korsakov attaching his name to these primal tracks.

Hopefully, a few of you will enjoy this album. To get the full "Russian" effect, listen to this while trading your daughter for a case of Stoli, selling black-market copies of "Dude, Where's My Car?", and giving yourself a vodka enema.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XQIS9IXI

Not Dead Yet

2007-01-31T22:32:00.000-08:00

So it was a pretty slow month or so on this blog since the Angelwitch posting, and as much as I'd like to say I've been too busy going to parties, boinking beautiful women, or just drinking in a gutter, the simple matter is that it's just been due to laziness on my part.
BUT, the bright side is that I've dug out a few more weird tapes from various boxes I've been unpacking. I've got enough to fill the next month or so with some wild shit, so keep checking back. The sound quality will be terrible at best, but hey, why start posting good-quality recordings now?
Speaking of terrible sound quality, here's one of the most interestingly-themed music blogs I've ever seen:
http://thirdfloormusic.blogspot.com/

Angelwitch

2006-12-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

Angelwitch's debut studio album. If Angelwitch had a fault (and that's a big "if"), it was the overproduction on this album. Maybe it's just because I heard the live album first, but the chorus harmonies always seemed too big and disco-fied on this record. Regardless, this is a legendary recording, and quite possibly the most perfect example of NWOBHM before Witchfinder General and Dickinson-era Maiden. In a perfect world, every jock asshole that claimed to be a Metallica fan in 1993 and DIDN'T own a copy of this album would've been molested extra hard by his wrestling coach as "Enter Sandman" played over the weightroom's loudspeaker.

Tracklist:
1. Angel Witch
2. Atlantis
3. White Witch
4. Confused
5. Sorcerers
6. Gorgon
7. Sweet Danger
8. Free Man
9. Angel of Death
10. Devil's Tower

In the middle of last night she went out for her revenge:
http://rapidshare.com/files/8479524/Unknown_Album__12-21-2006_10-21-31_PM_.rar.html

Tammy Sings "You Can Make It"!

2006-12-20T11:55:00.000-08:00

In keeping with the Christmas spirit, here’s a sort-of religious album for you all in this season of giving. The Christmas connection goes a bit deeper, as well, as I obtained this album through some deft gift-stealing at my office’s Holiday White Elephant gift exchange. I had a choice of stealing either this album or a folding plastic earring rack. I made my decision, and I stand by it.

Poor Tammy Faye will always be associated with heavy eye makeup, the PTL scandal, and her roofie-slipping, (allegedly) Jessica Hahn-raping ex-husband, Jim. However, if you saw her on “The Surreal Life”, you might agree that she seems like a nice enough lady in spite of all this. We here at Clandestine wish her a speedy recovery in her current bout with cancer, and pray that she’ll make a few more records.

“What does Tammy Faye Bakker have in common with a good ski slope? Two inches of face topped by three inches of powder.” --popular Tammy Faye Bakker joke, ca. 1989

Merry Christmas, ya bastuds:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=UZEH4UV8

Witchfinder General- Death Penalty

2006-12-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

Even the most casual NWOBHM collector knows that this is one of the Unholiest of the NWOBHM Grails. Back in my mid-teens, amid my piles of Diamond Head, Angelwitch, and Iron Maiden tapes, I’d heard tales of this album with its ultra-violent artwork and skullcrushing metal music. Back in those days, however, collecting records was much harder, and if you wanted the original album with artwork, you pretty much needed an extensive network of overseas connections.

However, now in the days of ebay, filesharing, and digital online storage, you can find almost anything you want, usually for free. Kids today have it so easy compared to MY generation!

I eventually ended up getting my clear-vinyl copy off ebay, and truly, the infamous cover art turned out to surpass the hype. And I’m not even talking about cover model Joanne Latham’s sweet, sweet melons (see more of them at http://www.joannekandylatham.com); rather, the band taking the trouble to dress up in 17th Century garb is a classic metal moment too ridiculous for even Spinal Tap to parody. Is that a crossbow the drummer’s holding?

All kidding aside, the music on this album is some of the best NWOBHM you’ll ever hear. Songs like “Invisible Hate” and “Death Penalty” are quite simply the heaviest examples of rock music since Black Sabbath’s “Vol. 4” album. Witchfinder General would later release their follow-up album, “Friends of Hell” (featuring equally offensive cover art), as well as the crushing “Soviet Invasion” EP. After this, they apparently fell off the face of the earth, going the way of such NWOBHM contemporaries as Cloven Hoof and Blitzkrieg.

Tie Her to The Stake:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7XY1NY31

Life After Death- Entering Time

2006-12-02T17:35:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, you come across something you just can't quite figure out. Australia's Life After Death are such a phenomenon. The groovy, hard rock on the opening track, as well as the liberal use of movie/pop culture samples all indicate that these guys perhaps got a hold of some early, pre-Sexorcisto White Zombie singles and decided to take that sound to the extreme. However, you can also find some Devo, Kraftwerk, and even some new wave influence in there as well. The fact that some of the songs are built almost entirely of samples reminds me of such current laptop-based, cut-&-paste artists as Elektrotwist and Stu Walker. I wonder if they have a beat-up vinyl copy of this album somewhere in their stacks?

As a side note, I particularly enjoy the way they sampled the hook from Onyx's "Slam" in "Matthew 23:9". It's subtle touches like this that speak volumes, and propel a good album to greatness, even if only a dozen people in the entire world know about it.

I don't have a date for this album, but I'm surmising it was recorded around '95-'96? If anyone else knows anything about this band, please leave a comment.

I can find the time warp AGAIN:
http://rapidshare.com/files/5822071/LADET.zip.html

Robey

2006-11-30T20:46:00.000-08:00

Albums by celebrities can be judged by several different criteria. On one hand, there's the "Novelty/WTF?" axis, on which either Muhammed Ali or Robert Mitchum can claim high scores. Then, of course, is the Hipster Angle, in which value depends upon the album's potential for future generations to appreciate it for entirely unintentional merits, a la Paris Hilton or Cheryl Ladd. Next is the "Celebrity Album That Manages to Surpass Its Low Expectations, and Actually Becomes a Critical Success". Milla Jovovich and Brigitte Bardot are thus far the only representatives on this axis. Finally, there is the obscurity angle...

Judged by this criterion alone, Canadian Louise Robey's album would almost certainly garner 3-4 stars. For those of you unfamiliar with her work, read on:

Most everybody who is aware of Robey remembers her from "Friday The 13th: The Series", an hour-long horror/drama TV series in much the same vein as the early Fox Network's "Werewolf". Friday the 13th featured a very clever premise involving cursed artifacts that granted the desires of their owners, but usually at the cost of someone else's blood. The show had some clever stories, as well as some memorable characters. The show's hook-savvy writers always made sure Robey wore a wet tank-top at some point in each episode, and if you're interested, she DID appear nude in a film. The name escapes me, but a quick Mr. Skin search should do the trick.

Products of Canada tend to be either mildly entertaining (a la Alex Trebek) or utterly disappointing (a la curling). The "Friday The 13th" series managed to surpass these classifications, and holds a place of honor right up there between Rush and Ed the Sock.

Can't seem to get a fix on the date of this album. The date (possibly the date of reissue?) says 1995, but judging by the photos and the synth-heavy music, I'd put this at 1989 at the latest.

Bangkok, Oriental city:
http://rapidshare.com/files/5546748/LRONIB.zip.html

Sleep

2006-11-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

Hey, do you like pot? Well, if you're into the shit I post on this blog, chances are you're into some kind of mind-altering substance(s), so I bet you'll LOVE this album.

Sleep fermented out of San Jose back in the early '90s, on the fringes of that petri dish known as The Pacific Northwest (or, "The Seattle Scene", for my fellow GenX-ers). This trio payed obvious respects to the church of Sabbath, as the repetitive riffs, wandering bass, and OCD drum fills are right off Sabbath's debut album, back when Sabbath were in the end-stages of metamorphosis from blues-rock band to metal visionaries. The short "Some Grass" is a fitting tribute to the ethnic/historical bits of musical tourism that Tony Iommi scattered throughout Black Sabbath's discography. However, a few other influences are evident, as well.

Most obvious is the down-tuned, resin-caked rock of Kyuss, and the subject matter influence of countless mid-70's prog-rock bands. The lyrics are quite interesting on this album, I think, as bands like this are generally the victims of adolescent, sword-&-sorcery overkill. However, Sleep's lyrics are tantalizingly minimalist, just giving you a few shouted, nearly-incoherent lines of a story and letting the guitar riffs & subsequent hard rock jams direct your chemically-enhanced imagination from there. "The Druid" in particular holds more imagery in its four lines than Judas Priest's entire discography.

Leaving behind the human race:
http://rapidshare.com/files/4987695/SHM.zip.html

Timir Baran- Dance Music of India

2006-11-20T17:03:00.000-08:00

This is one of the most unusual things I've ever heard: traditional Indian melodies & forms played by an orchestra composed of both indigenous and western instruments. This is probably more like world music than exotica, considering that one of India's foremost composers, Timir Baran, conducted the orchestra. If, like me, you're expecting some Martin Denny-style musical tourism, then you're in for a surprise with this disc. The LP didn't have a date on it, but from what I've been able to gather, it was released around the late '60s, far too late for the exotica movement, but perhaps marketed to appeal to the Ravi Shankar-obsessed stoner mystics that were flooding the counterculture right about then?

http://rapidshare.com/files/4200584/DMOI.zip.html

My Personal Favorites

2006-11-19T22:05:00.000-08:00

Yes, here's my narcissism on display, a mix of current personal favorite tunes. I had to struggle to keep it under 100MB, which forced a decision between keeping either Joe Strummer or Shakira. Laugh if you will, but I made my decision, and I stand by it. See comments for the final outcome:
http://rapidshare.com/files/3955412/MPF.zip.html

Oscar Brand- Bawdy Songs & Backroom Ballads

2006-11-19T21:57:00.000-08:00

Here's a great collection of folk songs dealing with such disparate subjects as randy young college students, spry old ladies, and curious nuns. All songs are performed on an acoustic guitar, which gives them a Restoration/Wicker Man-sort of vibe. Take a listen to this whenever you feel a need to see the FUN side of going to hell!

We go to college, to college go we:

http://rapidshare.com/files/4082922/OscarBrandBawdy.zip.html

Request #2

2006-11-18T21:01:00.000-08:00

Here's the re-post of Stone Fox's great debut album, plus one track from the Linda Perry-produced follow-up. See if you can tell which track suffered the scalpel of the preeminent ex-Non Blonde.

Not much more to say about this band, other than the fact that the lead singer of my old band was their tour manager for a while, and, according to him, they did a fantastic, quasi-pornographic cover of The MC5's "I Want You Right Now" for their early live shows. If anyone has audio (or, better yet, video) footage of such a performance, please contact me immediately.

I get it up, I slip it in, I turn it 'round:
http://rapidshare.com/files/3945589/SFTB.zip.html

Request #1

2006-11-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

Here's The Pandoras' Rock Hard album re-posted per request. As with any album one purchases for 25 cents, I initially looked at this as a goofy, disposable piece of fluff. However, through repeated listenings, it's become one of my current favorites. Songs like "Six Times A Day" and "Run Down Love Battery" are, in my opinion, far superior to anything The Runaways ever did.

Danger: Rotating blades cut off arms and legs.

http://rapidshare.com/files/3939353/PRH.zip.html

ANGELWITCH...LIVE!!!!!

2006-11-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry, all, but upon listening to these recordings again, I'm noticing that the some of the audio wasn't captured correctly. Specifically, the lead guitar parts are almost inaudible. This is almost certainly due to the crappy tape player I've been using for ripping I am currently trying to get my hands on a decent tape player so I can re-record this album (and others). I've decided I'll leave the link up for the time being. If you're a die-hard Angelwitch fan like me, you'll probably enjoy it even with the incomplete audio. If you're a casual NWOBHM collector on the other hand, then ignore this post until I have a new rip up. Here's my original post:

At long last, quite possibly the rarest bauble in my collection of cassettes, is The Troubador show from the reunion tour of one of the greatest NWOBHM bands, Angelwitch. According to the copyrights & the liner notes, the tour took place right around '89 or '90, about ten years after the release of their debut album. Believe it or not, they were not the headliners of the tour; rather, the headline act was the all-but-forgotten Laaz Rocket!!!

As much as I worshipped Angelwitch in my mid- to late-teens, it causes me no small grief to examine the liner notes to see just how underappreciated this band was. For example, examine the photos of the band onstage. Far from the wall-of-Marshall stacks Spinal Tap setup, it looks more like the tiny stages in the clubs of North Hollywood that currently feature such forgotten footnotes as Black Lab, Darling Violetta, and Snake River Conspiracy.

Kevin Heybourne & Co. perfected the balance of melody & brutality that would later be the signature sound of bands like Metallica & Megadeth. In fact, if you can find Metallica's great documentary, "Cliff 'em All", you can hear pre-Megadeth Dave Mustaine extolling the virtues of Angelwitch when a journalist asks the band who rank among its influences. Paradoxically, now in the age of internet, in which even the most insignificant mote of esoteria is instantly available for anyone's perusal, Angelwitch is all but forgotten. Seriously: try doing a Wikipedia search if you don't believe me.

Anyway, Angelwitch managed to put together an extremely attractive jacket for this cassette, and I'll admit that the satanic/sexual imagery was what first attracted me to this album back in my late teens. A cassette with both a naked woman AND a pentegram? Needless to say, my inner Beavis was giggling up a storm as I brought THIS tape to the cashier! "Angel of Death" is a positively crushing tune, but the moodier tracks like "Sorceress" and "White Witch" show Heybourne's significant songwriting talents. If any of you have heard Angelwitch's studio album, you'll be happy to know that the blaring, disco-fied harmonies in the choruses are absent on this album. Rather, the songs are played in a very straightforward four-piece format, which really lets the rawness of the songs shine.

One slightly interesting bit of trivia about Angelwitch: Their single "Sweet Danger" was actually the WORST performing song ever to show on the Hot 100 charts in Britain. It entered at number 100 for one week, and then dropped out the next, presumably to some awful number by Human League or Sparks.

http://rapidshare.com/files/2871619/Angelwitch_Live.zip.html

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

2006-11-07T19:51:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a moment to let my meager legion of readers know that I am still here post-separation. While I don't have a good, readily-available internet connection at my new place, I still may be able to post a couple of albums here & there. Hopefully, the long-touted Angelwitch: Live will be up this weekend.

Also, I want to thank the commenter on the Disturbingly Lonesome Cowboys post; as I said, such comments make my blogging worthwhile, beyond the obvious masturbatory appeal of having an audience willing to read my noodlings. Please: members of The Bloody Stools, Blitzspeer, or Samson, drop us a line!

Now, more salient to the title of my post:

I won't go so far as to discourage marriage altogether. Indeed, you may be one of the few couples that manage to succeed at a happy lifelong union. But then again, I won't discourage anyone from playing the lottery either, in spite of the astronomical odds against it being a worthwhile investment.

However, if you are one of the lucky multitudes thinking about divorce, my advice is to just go ahead & do it. If you are at the point of "discussing" going to "marriage counseling", then it's already over. Stick a fork, tell the fat lady to sing, etc. The very best you can hope for in going down such a route is a few more months of stunted, uncomfortable interactions before your ultimate divorce. The worst thing you can hope for: six months of learning how to quash your resentments until you no longer notice them, followed by fifteen years in lobotomized indifference in which you've managed to discard any notion of your individuality, and, ultimately, regaining a pathetic, misplaced iota of self-respect that results in you getting busted for attempting to pick up a thirteen-year old girl over the internet at 2AM.

Marriage: Just Don't Do It.

Reruns

2006-10-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Here's a couple of re-posted dead links that have been requested by some readers. These may be my last posts for a while, since my move & separation are imminent. On the off chance that my new place has a decent wireless connection, I'll put some new stuff up, but if not, I'll have to sneak into the local University's library and try to upload stuff before the big scary librarians kick me out.
But anyway, as stressed out as I am right now, I can take some solace in the fact that I've at least made TWO people happy today: the guy who wants the Blitzspeer album, and the guy who wants the Functional Idiots album.
A note on the Blitzspeer album: for some reason, I never ripped the track "Truck of Love". The disc is packed away right now, so I'm not going to rip it today. However, I put a few (far superior, I think) tracks off their live follow-up album in the zip file. Hey, it's free, right? So don't complain.

http://rapidshare.com/files/908807/FunctIdiots.zip.html

http://rapidshare.com/files/905770/BlitzsSaves.zip.html

NWOBHM- '79 Revisited!!!

2006-10-21T07:08:00.000-07:00

Here's a killer compilation of British Heavy Metal bands from 1979-1981, the dawn of the raw, post-punk scene that gave rise to such metal luminaries as Iron Maiden, Def Leppard, and Venom.

The compilation was actually put together by Lars Ulrich back in 1989, right after the mammoth "And Justice for All" album, and right before Metallica became every frat-guy's favorite band with "Enter Sandman". Lars writes extensive liner notes in this, noting how much of an influence these bands were to Metallica's early development. Indeed, some bands are exceptional, some forgettable, but they all have a great raw, innocent vibe about them that makes them hard to dismiss.

This album is a treasure-trove for musical trivialists like me (and, I suspect, like YOU, all you sickos who stay up all night downloading blog music). Here's a few things I noticed:

-"Bruce Bruce" from the Samson track is actually pre-Iron Maiden Bruce Dickinson!
-Vivian Campbell from Sweet Savage went on to play guitar in Dio, The Riverdogs, and Def Leppard. This Sweet Savage track is UNBELIEVABLE, by the way, and aside from the VEnom track, it's the best thing on this comp.
-The Tygers of Pan Tang had the privilege of giving John Sykes, one of the greatest guitarists of the '80s, his start. Although he's absent from this lineup, you may remember his work in Thin Lizzy, Whitesnake, and the almighty Blue Murder.
-Jannick Gers from White Spirit would go on to replace Dave Murray as guitarist in Iron Maiden.

That's all I was able to find, but if you notice anything else, please let me know. Also, this comp has two pre-remastered Diamond Head tracks that really show their raw side. If any of you were disappointed by the squeaky-clean "Behold the Beginning" comp they put out back in '90, you may want to check these tracks out; they're dirty, mean, and mighty unclean.

I'm no fool, so don't you treat me like one:
http://rapidshare.com/files/895137/NWOBHM_Comp.zip.html

Rush on Sajak

2006-10-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

Here's an old bit of audio taken from way back when Pat Sajak had his own late-night talk show, and Rush Limbaugh was chosen to be a fill vacation guest host for a week. I know what you're thinking: "Pat Sajak talk show? Rush LImbaugh as a TV guest host?" Yes, it's all true. You might also be interested to hear that Rush had his own TV show as well back in the early '90s. It's hard to imagine, isn't it, when he's more or less marginalized himself to the same sort of kitschiness that makes movies like "The Dukes of Hazzard" shoot to #1 at the box office. Unfortunately, the sound quality is terrible (taped off radio), and the clip is incomplete. I would imagine some left-wing blog has the remainder somewhere, though.

Anyway, poor ol' Rushbo loses his cool when a hostile audience objects to his views on N.O.W. and abortion. Love him or hate him, it's a side of Rush you rarely get to see outside of www.callingallwingnuts.com.

"Ladies & Gentlemen, the drive-by media and the left wing conspiracy kooks etc. etc.":
http://rapidshare.de/files/35172344/Rush_Limbaugh_on_The_Pat_Sajak_Show.mp3.html

The Meatmen

2006-10-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

I know next to nothing about this band, so I'll rely on the trusty ol' wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meatmen

I owned the live "...and You Still SUCK!" album many years ago, which piqued my interest when I saw this in the used tape rack at the Portland Bull Moose Music back in 1999. Overall, I find their sense of humor not as subtle & refined as, say, SOD or Pungent Stench, but they showed some excellent potential in the hilarious shorts on this record, especially The Dildo Commercial: "...as endorsed by that good-lookin' colored fella from Miami Vice." Also, "Turbo Rock" is a mighty tune with an outstanding hook.

Be sure to check out Vesuvius brand butt-plugs, now with pumice:
http://rapidshare.de/files/35166326/The_Meatmen.zip

Enjoy.

The Don Ho Show!

2006-10-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

Ah, Don Ho...what a pleasant scene he painted in his music, no? Half-naked, brown-skinned lovelies attending to the every need of their palefaced conquerors. Unfortunately, the only comparable equivalents of such Utopiae seem to reside in Tijuana, Thailand, and Amsterdam, given that Hawaii has become little more than party-central for rich kids with bloated trust funds & senses of entitlement. Mr. Ho would surely roll over in his grave.

I've got no troubles & I've got no wife:
http://rapidshare.de/files/35094664/Don_Ho-_Th_Don_Ho_Show.zip

Black Aria

2006-09-30T05:01:00.001-07:00

I hope to accomplish a flurry of posts this weekend, everything from 19th century Russian lieder to forgotten heavy metal comps. You see, my divorce has finally become a palpable reality with my signing of the 30-day Notice of Vacation of our apartment. In my effort to travel light (I hope to complete my move in no more than two carloads), I will be digitizing as much of my old cassette shit as possible. Since I will also be leaving my stereo, TV, DVD Player, and stainless steel cookware here with my wife, it seems that just about everyone will benefit from my soon-to-be minimalist lifestyle. My laptop, my guitars, and my radio will solely comprise my essentials from now on.

But, gentle reader, don't worry about me; you see, when it rains, it pours, and divorce isn't the only milestone I've reached lately. I've also just attained my Masters degree, and I am currently looking forward to fulfilling the statistical prediction that my standard of living will raise by ten percent within a year after divorce. I'll either room with someone for a while or get a shithole studio apartment, and focus my job search northward.

But anyway, enough of my sob story.

This is an odd footnote in the career of punk/metal icon Glenn Danzig. Somewhere in between the fantastic "Lucifuge" album from Danzig and the slightly-less fantastic "Danzig 3", Glenn decided to dust off his old Plan 9 label and release a classically-inspired album. While the album's artistic merits are negligible (more later), it precluded similar releases by such pop staples as Paul McCartney and Joe Jackson by several years.

I heard an interview with Glenn Danzig on a radio show right about when this was released, and he said something along the lines of "It's a nine-movement piece based on Milton's Paradise Lost". He went on to describe how this album actually topped the classical charts in 1992.

Rest assured, this is for Glenn Danzig completists only. Those of you familiar with such stripper-friendly Danzig anthems as "She Rides" or "Her Black Wings" will be sorely disappointed by this, I'm afraid. The music is undoubtedly influenced by such Romanticist staples as Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, and Wagner, as evidenced by its timpani-heavy bombast and overt emotional, heroic leanings. For a Baroque/Expressionist like me, all of this seems a bit over-the-top. There are some wonderful sublime moments, however, like the Purcel-inspired three note soprano riff in "Dirge of Defeat".

And my loneliness in bondage:
http://rapidshare.de/files/35101383/Glenn_Danzig-_Black_Aria.zip

Stone Fox

2006-09-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

Stone Fox were a mostly-girl rock band from the San Francisco area back in the mid-90's. This debut album, Totally Burnt, is a great slice of raw, angry rock music. So raw, in fact, that many of the tracks were ripped directly from their demo cassette and digitized in a process that must have been cutting-edge back in '95.

Stone Fox's follow-up album was quite a departure from the rawness of Totally Burnt, and was one of the first projects of producer/songwriter/Non-Blonde/music biz overlord Linda Perry. As you might imagine, the raw, riff-based rock was minimized in favor of a more song-oriented approach. I've included one of the tracks from the sophomore release in the zip file so you can compare for yourselves.

You'll be happy to read that this album was ripped at a sweet 192kbps. Hopefully, this will start to fix my reputation of crappy, low-bitrate cassette rips...at least until I get Angelwitch- Live posted.

It makes me feel so unchaste:

http://rapidshare.de/files/34300262/SFTB.zip

So Sorry...

2006-09-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry that I've left this blog in an apparent state of moribund for the last couple of weeks, but I've been extraordinarily busy finishing my Masters degree requirements since August. Rest assured, I have SUCH delights to show you: A NWOBHM mix tape compiled by none other than Lars Ulrich...a tape of Angelwitch's reunion tour through SoCal in the late '80s...Some great all-girl grunge from the early '90s....

But, until then, you'll have to settle for compilation #1 of rare shit from my music collection, A-G. It's a bit schizophrenic, but you're bound to find something you enjoy in there somewhere.

Some interesting marginalia: "Fydolla Ho" was a side project of actress Shawnee Smith. You may remember Shawnee from her starring role in "Becker", and her supporting roles in such films as "Leaving Las Vegas" and "Saw". I first remember seeing Shawnee in a TV movie in the late '80s called "Easy Prey". It was a cautionary tale starring Gerald McRaney as, of all people, serial killer Chris Wilder...Simon & Simon indeed!!! Anyway, it was about as sensational and risque as was allowed in the Reagan era, and it attempted to deliver a dire warning against going off with harmless-looking strangers, all the while showing a nubile young Shawnee Smith in various states of undress.

I still find Ms. Smith exceedingly attractive. If you want to see her in her prime, rent the 1988 remake of "The Blob". Even if you're not into Shawnee Smith, it's a fantastic horror movie with special effects that continue to hold up. Remember, Smalltown, USA: you're just one meteor away from becoming the NSA's latest weapons experiment!

See comments for a track listing.

I'm livin' easy where the sun never shines,
http://rapidshare.de/files/33302700/My_Favorites__A-G.zip

The Pandoras- Rock Hard

2006-08-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

The Pandoras' 1989 release. I picked this cassette up for $0.25 at the local Amvets, and though I don't know much about this band, this album has less of a classic 60's garage-rock sound than some of the other stuff I've heard. Rather, this is more like The Runaways-by-way-of-80's hair metal.
Some interesting marginalia: the album was produced by guitar-star Stevie Salas. If any of you ever subscribed to "Guitar for the Practicing Musician" magazine from '90-'91, you may remember advertisements for his album "Colorcode" sandwiched right between those controversial ads for BC Rich's ill-advised "Virgin" line of guitars-- "You haven't tried anything 'til you've plucked a VIRGIN!" The BC Rich ad was pulled after a couple of issues, apparently because non-virgins didn't like the fact that virgins were getting more promotion?

http://rapidshare.de/files/31199731/PandorasRockHard.zip

Blitzspeer- Saves

2006-08-28T21:41:00.000-07:00

Blitzspeer's one-and-only studio album, Saves, was released in 1991, and has largely been forgotten ever since in spite of its excellence. After their demise a year later, members of the band went on to play in other footnote bands like Monster Magnet and Raging Slab throughout the '90s.

The music is dark, riff-heavy metal that's too loud to be hair metal, but too subtle & textured to be outright thrash. Songs like "Seems Like Yesterday" and "Mother Superior" (which features some chilling phone sex between Lydia Lunch & Joey Ramone) explore some very dark places that most metal at the time either didn't dare or didn't bother to visit. The mood rarely brightens on this sinister disc, except for an unexpected cover of The New York Dolls' "Bad Girl".

So why the lack of success for this band? One reason might have been the year of release: later on in 1991, Nirvana and Pearl Jam effectively killed metal for the next eight years. Or maybe the music was too light for the Morbid Angel fans, and too heavy for the Bon Jovi fans, causing it to fall through a donut-hole similar to the one that is now plagueing Medicare Part D recipients?

I've also thrown in a few live tracks off their follow up live EP, including a killer cover of "Kick Out The Jams" that makes BOC's version sound as if it were being performed by The Wiggles.

Knife in your back, fist in your eye:
http://rapidshare.de/files/31150249/Blitzspeer.zip

The Bloody Stools- Meet The Bloody Stools

2006-08-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

THIS is one of the crowning acheivements of my early music collecting career. These guys were a great eighties metal band with unbelievable lyrical prowess: the album takes you on a sordid journey of lesbians, bestiality, strippers, anal sex, oral rape, amputees...and rap music.

One very interesting note about this album is that John Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora contribute some guitar & backup vocals, and it was rumored that they actually wrote these songs & put together the band as a side project. Apparently, those guys aren't the pretty-boys we thought they were!

Once again, let me apologize for the sound quality...while it was ripped in a reasonable 128kbps, the cassette was 12 years old when I ripped it, and had been played, oh, probably 3 million times. The only major flaw is the beginning of the song "Limper", where one channel cuts out for a few seconds.

'cuz you can use a cow for more than makin' leather gloves:
http://rapidshare.de/files/30788134/Bloody_Stools.zip

Angelfish

2006-08-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

The first post of the weekend is from Ms. Manson's original band, Angelfish. Recorded in 1993, the album has remarkably prescient, indy feel to it: the guitars are raw, the songs simple, and the production stripped down to an almost 8-track demo vibe. Perhaps this rawness of production led Nirvana producer Butch Vig to court Shirley to front his next project?

But enough speculation. This album is chock full of fantastic songwriting that ranges from Pixies-esque guitar pop ("You Can Love Her") to outright goth-tinged doom rock ("Dogs in a Cage"). As great as the subsequent work of Manson, et al. as been, this album still makes you wonder what the pop music world lost when this band broke up...

Mommy can't drive, she's been out all night:
http://rapidshare.de/files/30764752/Angelfish.zip

Mix Tape: ElectroGirls

2006-08-25T11:44:00.000-07:00

For the last year or so, I've been kicking around an idea for the next great Playboy pictorial: The Women of Electronica. Back in the late-90's through early 00's, it seemed like all you needed to get a record deal was a guitar, some software expertise, and access to a chick who could carry a tune & look good in a vinyl miniskirt.

And look good, they did. The pre-MP3 visual appeal of CD booklets made a cute girl not only a part of the band's sound, but also part of their marketing package. While these bands were often quite good, I will admit without shame that I've sat through some shows from some awful bands only because they had a cute girl in a halter top bouncing around at the microphone.

Anyway, this mix is comprised of female-fronted electronic bands from varying levels of obscurity. My definition of "electronic" is fairly wide, and the songs range from trip-hop to industrial to straight-ahead dance music. There's no cross-fading or any fancy crap like that.

The track list is in the comments.
http://rapidshare.de/files/30953944/ElectroGirls.zip

Berlin by Night: German Cabaret Music 1930-1945

2006-08-25T06:21:00.000-07:00

Pour some champagne, light a cigarette, and throw another bale of deutschmarks on the fire! A fantastic compilation of German Cabaret music from The Weimar Republic & that thing that happened afterward that we'd all rather not mention:
http://rapidshare.de/files/30707348/Berlin_by_Night.zip

The Functional Idiots

2006-08-22T21:06:00.000-07:00

This is an integral part of the soundtrack to many of my college blackouts. These guys were students of the SOD/Troma school of ultra-violent hilarity, and this album pretty much covers it all: prison rape, a particularly grisly form of Granny-cide, and cat-smashing.

The SOD-connection goes a bit deeper, as well. Apparently, the lead singer of The Functional Idiots, Anthony, drew the cover art for MOD’s classic “USA for MOD” album, and on the “SOD Live at Budokan” album, you can hear Billy Milano dedicating “Pi Alpha Nu” to Anthony & The Functional Idiots.

This album scores high on the funny meter without getting into Green Jelly-style silliness. Unfortunately, no cover art with this one.

Thanks to Mark for ripping this cassette.

Feed your inner date-rapist:
http://rapidshare.de/files/30418357/Functional_Idiots.zip

Full House

2006-08-21T21:52:00.000-07:00

Here's the first track off one of her early albums, back when she was simply known by her first name and spending much of her free time sitting on Dave Coulier's face. You'll notice a marked difference in style between this and her later work: this is a total 80's dance-fest, more along the lines of Tiffany or Taylor Dayne than Bikini Kill. Not that it's a bad album; rather, it's a fascinating, oft-overlooked step in her transition from "You Can't Do That On Television" moppet to angry, damaged feminist icon. And heck, it was worth the $2.99 I paid for this tape just for the very uncharacteristic photographs in the jacket...she was kinda cute back then!

This is my first attempt with megaupload, so let me know if there are any problems with the download. Also, you should know that many of these files were ripped back when I had a very fine cassette deck, but a very slow computer, so I had to rip them at 96kbs in order to prevent dropouts. Personally, it all sounds the same to me, but I know you hardcore audiophiles are calling me every name in the book right now. Sometime soon I hope to obtain a new cassette deck and re-rip these files, assuming the cassettes aren't dry-rotten by now, but for now, this is the best I can manage.

She may not go down in history, but would she down on you in a theater?:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=YWKYWNF8

How to Save Reality TV

2006-08-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

So I see that a mid-season Real World clone-- titled North Shores or Pacific Heights or Malibu Lane or whatever-- has vanished after two pitiful episodes. Was this the result of a bad timeslot, or the dreaded summertime viewer malaise? I would guess not. All reality TV these days seems well past its prime, with shows like Fear Factor and The Apprentice running on the inertia of such casting gimmicks as “The TWINS Episode” or “Streetsmarts vs. Booksmarts”.
For all of its strengths, one of the major weaknesses in most reality TV is that it ignores one of the basic rules of drama: the audience must identify with the characters, feel their pain when they lose, and struggle alongside them. Can anyone really feel any anguish when the underwear model-turned-real estate mogul fails to win the affections of The Bachelorette? Or when the exotic dancer loses her chance for $50,000 butt implants on Fear Factor? The answer: No. We, the Frito-munching, rehab-bound schlubs in the viewing audience have a pretty good idea that they’ll survive somehow. These genetically-blessed superbeings elicit all the sympathy of a modern day Beowulf: flawless, one-dimensional, and hopelessly dull.

The Jerry Springer Show, in spite of its universal condemnation among moral/intellectual elitists, taught a fascinating lesson in the world of entertainment: stars don’t have to be beautiful, talented, intelligent, or even appealing in order to be entertaining. Imagine Fear Factor being played by such sweating, asthmatic gastropods not from the shores of South Beach, but from the strip malls of Little Rock? Or a Blind Date between unemployed alcoholics with missing teeth and criminal records? Winning the prizes in any of these shows, be they cash, a job, or the affections of a young “hottie”, would be a once-in-a-lifetime achievement for such “Average Joes”. Plus, your average prime-time viewer can identify much more readily with obese, alcoholic contestants than the tanned, confident personal trainers that usually infest reality TV.

TV execs: leave the underwear models in the Sunday fliers. Give us some “real” contestants for reality TV!

The Disturbingly Lonesome Cowboys

2006-08-20T14:17:00.000-07:00

Now here's something for all you misanthropes. I found this cassette about 15 years ago in the great used tape rack at the Record Connection in Waterville Maine. I know next to nothing about these guys, but this is without a doubt the most hilarious album ever made. Check out "Blood on My Knife".
You'll notice that not all of the tracks are included in the zip file...for some reason, I never bothered to rip the entire album, and now that I'm without a decent cassette deck, it looks like this is about as ripped as it's gonna get. But anyway, all the best tracks are here, as well as scans of the hilarious liner notes. If anyone knows anything more about these guys, let me know.
Here's the link, you sexy convicts:
http://rapidshare.de/files/30144379/DLC.zip.html

Norman Bates & The Showerheads

2006-08-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

It's my pleasure to open my blog with a posting of some Norman Bates & The Showerheads tracks. Released in 1990, Queens-based NB&SH produced loud, scuzzy rock & roll that precluded the grunge movement by nearly 4 years. The easiest way to describe NB&SH music: Metallica for tweakers. Take all the stoner parts out of Metallica (i.e. the mellow slow parts, the deep lyrics about the Cthulhu Mythos, etc.), speed them up, jack the volume up to 11, and you get NB&SH. They managed to swing a tour in the early 90s, and released a follow-up album in addition to this indy debut. Recently, they've gotten back together and have played a few gigs at CBGB's, and are putting together some killer new tracks. Visit them and give a big "fuck yeah!" to the one of the greatest rock & roll bands of all time: http://www.normanbatesandtheshowerheads.com/

Here's a couple of tracks, "Graveyard" and "Pseudoworld" off their classic debut album:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=D5OL4GNH

If you like what you hear, head on over to http://www.hauntedtownrecords.com/. The full reissue album, plus bonus tracks, will be available soon.

Lose some weight, huh?

2006-08-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

Ahoy-hoy,

Women: lose some weight. It sounds cold, but hear me out: as a woman, your marketability is 90% dependant upon your ability to squeeze your ass into size 2 jeans, so why not take a few extra laps in the pool? If promotions, dates, career opportunities, and friends all revolved around looking good in a tied-off tanktop, I personally would make sure to melt that gunt away faster than butter in a microwave. Fat broads: you are selfish not only for your excessive food intake, but also for squandering the precious gift of being able to manipulate the superficial male. Think about that for a while, won't you? Preferably on the stairmaster.

Anyway, there will be a bunch of cool, obscure music links coming soon. Check back.

Rock on in London, rock on Chicago. Wheaties, breakfast of Champions,
-Jer